Finding Your True Identity And Breaking The Negative Patterns

Find you True IdentityThis month of March is over, and I’m sure glad it is. Why am I saying this? Well, it’s interesting, because it’s also the month where I got to be a certified coach, so one should think that was the best month of the years for me so far.  But, really, it’s also been a month with lots more than that. It’s been a challenging time for me to say the least, but it has also awaken more insights in me at the same time.

Because of my challenges, I’ve been doing more than usual meditation and learning more about myself. I also really found comfort in meditative prayers, and learned a few tricks to test my own beliefs. I feel comfort in meaningful prayers where you’re looking to be more connected with your higher self, and higher power that we call God. That’s what meditation is all about, isn’t it?

Why is it Beneficial to Learn more about who we Really are?

Have you ever heard or read that we are using only less than one percent of our brain? Well, that’s not surprising to me.  Most of us get up in the morning and go through the flow of the day with all of our limiting beliefs, negative thoughts, bad habits and worries that we put in front of ourselves constantly.

We put our brain in some type of automatic system, and that’s why we use so little of its capability.

Now, think about it! Why would we have such an amazing brain and use so little of it? That doesn’t even make sense. What a waste!

What I think is that it’s up to us to use our brain to more capacity than we do now. We can use our brain more by discovering and learning more, but most importantly, by expending our mind above and beyond our day to day thinking pattern.

Yes, we can us our brain to live a better life. That’s why it’s for!

One specific thinking ability that I wanted to talk about today, is our identity. What is the identity you’ve given to yourself? Do you know that knowing the answer to this question might help you understand a great deal about you and what you do? For instance if you’re successful or if you’re not.

Most of us Start the Same Way

Like most human beings on the planet, I grew up surrounded by limiting beliefs, lack mentality, and even fears.  And we’re not talking about a bad household here. No, no, no.  We’re talking about the average household where all of that is usually going on.

Before we got involved in personal development we just didn’t know it did. Remember?

However (in my case), there was something about me – always – since I can remember that didn’t just believe something because I was told. One thing that I’ve always have had, is the ability to think for myself. We all have that you might say. Well, you’d be wrong. Some people, unfortunately, have never used that feature of their brain.

Are they dumb people? No, they just have more of a convincing nature about them, which makes them accept things without discussion, and without ever questioning it. Do you know some people like that? I know I do.  As a matter of fact, the word is full of such people, even though it’s getting better. That’s why life coaching is a growing business.

What my Past was Already Revealing about Me

What about you? Was your past revealing about you?

As for me, I was rebellious from the get go you might say.

My mother told me many times that I started challenging my parents’ authority at age 2.  They even tested me at times telling me to go right and watch me going left “so to speak.” I had a few accidents because of it too. One day when I was 13, I told the son of my mother’s boss to go to hell (in French it’s more fancy). I was 13, but he was 26, and my mom was so embarrassed. That I would never, ever forget.

Was I a bad kid?

No. Frankly, I’ve never been a bad kid. For one thing I’ve never did anything that I couldn’t tell to my mother, and that sure wasn’t the case of many other kids I knew. So being a bad kid wasn’t even part of me, but I just didn’t take people’s BS easily. Just couldn’t help it.

It’s only many years later that I’ve learned through my personal development that what I had was my own “identity” that was crying out loud to express itself.  That’s probably why I was attracted to acting, because it didn’t matter if I was just rehearsing in front of 5 of my peers or doing the real thing in front of 300 people, I could just let go.

When you’re in those drama classes you see some of those individuals who are one person in life and transform to something totally different on stage, before you very eyes. I was one of them, but I wasn’t the only ones. I think that the ones who were like that, though, were able to truly BE themselves when they were actually acting.

Why? Because it’s often not easy to really be yourself in the society we live in. So our true identity is somewhat buried somewhere.

Looking back at my life, I can see now that I was trying to build my own identity, without much success, I might add. But there was a spark that’s always been there. I know I’ve always been a leader. That’s why my own parents noticed very early on that I couldn’t be led easily.

What about you? Who are you, really? Have you ever asked that question? Does it match what you’re doing in life?

Defining your identity is Vital for Success

One thing that most personal development experts would tell you is that what you do or don’t do in life has a lot to do with your identity. When I say identity, I don’t mean what’s on your ID, I mean how you see yourself as a person.

If you are familiar with my blog, you know that for a large part, how you see yourself will have a lot to do with what was fed into your subconscious mind, but the good news is that even if you had a tough beginning that didn’t help you in this way, you can still make up for it. No, it’s not impossible. Actually many people could tell you their success stories about how they did it.

But regardless of the methods they used to be able to make a drastic change in their life, it had to come first from a change in their beliefs, also called a change of identity, where you would make a 180° turn around and put on a totally different you.

As a matter of fact, that different you, is usually the REAL YOU.

For example, the real you may be someone who has guts to do things, but the other part of you, the ones that has grown up with limiting beliefs, and fears thinks that they could never do something like that, and that’s why you tend to coward.

It Hard to Swim Upstream

Have you ever tried to swim upstream or against currant? Well, if you’re not a swimmer, you’ve probably never tried that, but let me tell you, it’s very tough. I mean, the energy that you have to spend to swim against stream or current is multiplied by 10.

Guess what? Even if  we’ve never tried to do that in water, we do it in life all the time.

For example, instead of stating what we want, we usually tell about what we don’t want. Instead of choosing to be happy, we often choose to be miserable. Instead of appreciating what we do have, we curse at what we don’t have. And so on and so forth…

That, my friends, is swimming against current in your life. Some people tend to do it more than others. No wonder they’re exhausted, fat, sick and broke. What would you expect?

Breaking the Negative Patterns

1)     Find your true identity

I know of a guy who got a fist because he was moved from a desk to cubicle at his job. Do you know why someone would even allow himself to feel that way because of freaking desk? Because he hasn’t found his identity. He wants to feel important, but his behavior actually shows how little he really feel inside.

You know what? I don’t care where I sit, because I know who I am. My true identity doesn’t depend where I am physical at any given moment. It has nothing to do with that at all.

Don’t be like that guy. Don’t feel small because of your own lack of identity. If you do feel small, then it’s time to learn how to feel big, and get that identity straight. I can help you with that, by the way.

2)     Start Swimming Downstream with the Flow

You’ll see that is much, much easier.  Go with the flow, not against it.

Start blessing the good things that you have and wish farewell the ones that you don’t want, but not by cursing them.  Rather be thankful that they were here while you needed them, or even acknowledging that they manifested due that wonderful law of attraction, because the law of attraction is always in action, but you didn’t know how to use it the proper way. Start being thankful and grateful for what you have and meditate more.

By changing these two thinking patterns, you will start noticing changes in your life. Start today. Don’t wait. And let me know how it goes.

I hope you enjoyed this post today. I really hope you read it all without skipping. If you did. Do yourself a favor, save it and read it again slowly when you have more time.  Please, leave your thoughts down below.
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23 Comments

  • William ButlerTwitter: wiarbu says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    Congratulations on completing your coaching certification. 🙂

    In leadership and personal development circles, the notion of finding oneself (and subsequently being true to oneself) has been a long-standing concept, from Gestalt psychology to transcendental meditation to enlightenment exercises.

    As I’m fond of saying, “When you know your WHY, you know your WAY… your identity, your reason for being, your main purpose.

    Kind Regards!
    Bill
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi William,

      I like that statement… “When you know your why you know your way.” I’ve got to remember this 🙂 Right now I feel that I’m tested again, but I’ve been tested alright, I can say that. So as they say, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I’ll be a strong coach 🙂

      Thanks for coming.
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  • Sue PriceTwitter: suejprice says:

    Hi Sylviane

    As you know I have been working on my self and stuff for a very long time. I believe it is ongoing.

    Congratulations again too on your qualification. Well done.

    I heard someone say many years ago we spend the rest of our lives getting over the first 5 years of our life where we pick up so much programming. I think that is the truth.

    I grew up with love but fears and negativity. My parents also thought people who had a lot of money were crooks. Hmm nice one!

    I love the analogy of the stream. As you know Esther Hicks says often about swimming with the current and not upstream. It works for me to stop myself sometimes and ask myself which way I am going.

    Great post Sylviane.

    Sue
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Sue,

      Yes, I know that you’ve been in personal development for quite some time. Probably longer than anyone coming to this blog 🙂 and you successes in business show that.

      I think that it’s well said. most definitely the most important years of our life are the first 7 and to an extended point, the first 16. After that we’re done. Any bad wiring is there to stay, UNLESS we take that crap out!

      Yes, I’ve heard Esther Hicks talking about swimming upstream before. And always can relate with this image.

      Like you, Sue, I’ve grown up in a loving family, but that had fears, negativity and a negative feeling about money too. My mother often repeated a phrase that said something like “Wealth has a dishonest source.” Then for 10 long years of my life I belonged to a religion that teaches that people with money can’t be spiritual and all that bla bla wash my brain clean BS 🙂

      So, I have to admit that I’m still in the process of erasing that from not only my head, but my whole being (subconscious) and energy. At least I know that I don’t believe this is true at ALL anymore. So, I’m going in the right direction.

      Thank you for your excellent input, Sue.
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  • Kumar GaurawTwitter: kgauraw says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    First of all congratulations on completing your coaching certification. Way to go!

    Wow! These simple two techniques that you’ve shared, are profound. I’ve also found meditation to be a great way to get deep within ourselves to identify who we are, connecting with our creator and feel a sense of belonging. I meditate as well and I think I had mentioned to you in the past that I have also used the meditation techniques by Silva Life and found it very helpful.

    Thank you for sharing and have a wonderful rest of the week!

    Regards,
    Kumar
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Kumar,

      Yes, I you’ve told me that you are into meditation, and I’m so glad to hear that. If more people would meditate on a regular basis, their life and health would improve drastically. No doubt about that.

      Most people walking around are so disconnected from their higher self still, even though there is a raise of awareness more than ever before in history of mankind. So, there is a positive point.

      Thank you for adding your input here. Very much appreciated.
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  • Harleena SinghTwitter: harleenas says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    I know I already wished you for being a real coach now, but wishes are always welcome, aren’t they -so congratulations yet again 🙂

    Coming to the post, yes, we all have those negative patterns within us we need to break. I don’t remember being a rebellious child or a bad one, but my sister says I used to bully her…that’s all I remember…lol…but being the elder one, I guess I had to a little. Yes, being bold and outspoken is good, and some of those qualities I had, just like you, but that helped you later in your acting and even now in your coaching I guess where you can go out and connect with people or speak in-front of many , isn’t it? So, our past always helps us in more ways than one.

    Finding your true identity is important, though there are many we see who fake theirs and live their lives in the belief to be who they aren’t actually, till someone makes them realize or life shows it to them.

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Harleena,

      Yes, a bit rebellious and head strong I sure was. Bad I never was. I actually always were a very sensitive child. I was very protective of my younger brother and we had a very special affection/attachment to each other.

      I wish more people would be true to themselves, that’s why I certainly try to be myself. Sometimes our true self is buried under a lot of garbage so to speak 🙂 so we need to work at removing it. That what takes time for some more than others.

      Thank you for coming and sharing your thoughts.
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  • donna merrillTwitter: donna_tribe says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    I so admire your journey! To be a certified life coach, one must be on a constant journey with the SELF! It is just like being a therapist…errr a good one that is. A therapist has to be in therapy. For he/she is the tool and has to constantly have the initiative to grow. It is the only way to help others.

    Now, I’ve known you for a while and seen how much you have grown and still are growing and that is what makes you a “REAL certified life coach” – I just had to put that in girl.

    I’ve swam upstream when I was young, but came to a place in my life with much work where I can go with the flow. Now I could never have done it myself. It just doesn’t work! I have gone through so many modalities of therapy and hypnosis to help me be who I am.

    I work with lots of people. When I do, I always tell them to go get some coaching because they cannot reach their maximum potential, now mater who they are unless they know themselves. Especially when it comes to their subconscious mind.

    -Donna
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Donna,

      Thank you for your so kind words as always.

      I think we all have a bunch of crap we need to get rid off as adult. We were all raised by loving parents that, yet, certainly weren’t coaching experts, shall we say. So, unintentionally they fed us negative stuff. I mean, if I had children 20 or 15 years ago, I bet I would have done the same, because I didn’t know what I know now back then. The system we live in, doesn’t teach those things. We only learn them when we reach out for them ourselves, like you did 🙂

      Thank you for your input and I hope you’re not working too much.
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  • AdrienneTwitter: adriennesmith40 says:

    Hey Sylviane,

    March is definitely behind us and you’re had your challenges but you’ve become a certified coach now. That’s something to be very proud about and although you’ve been coaching for awhile now I think that will open up even more doors for you now.

    I had to laugh because when you were talking about those people who didn’t have the ability to think for themselves I was like that when I was younger. I just took whatever my parents told me as God’s word more or less. Okay, I’m exaggerating on the God part but I seriously thought my parents knew it all and were always right. It wasn’t until I was much older that things started falling into place for me. I wasn’t someone’s puppet so to speak but I didn’t argue with what people said. I was pretty naive and very sheltered growing up.

    Gosh, I’ve grown so much as a person and I’m still learning so many things about me too. I think we all need to remain open to change and knowing that we still don’t have all the answers to some of life’s questions and I know for me that’s where someone with your expertise can come in as well.

    I hope that anyone having issues, struggles or just wanting more out of life and not understanding what steps to take will be open to learning and growing. They’ve definitely got you now to turn to.

    Thanks for sharing this Sylviane and I know that April is going to be a really great month for us all.

    ~Adrienne
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Adrienne,

      Yes, March is behind us, and I’m actually acting and thinking as positive as possible. I can promise you that, but I’ve got to pray every day, which is never a bad thing, right?

      I know what you mean, most people take the words of their parents as the holy truth, and I did too, but at times I also had a lot of questions, I didn’t just believe it because I was told. Not that I didn’t trust my mother, but even as a kid I already knew that she had swallowed a lot of BS from her own parents. And boy I respect and love my grandparents, but they were very ignorant in a lot of things back then. As parents they were making a lot of mistakes. Some that my uncle could never forget his parents for.

      We can’t even totally blame them, they didn’t have the information that we have now. Then on top of that came fears, the beliefs that rich people are bad, that money is hard to make, and that’s it’s better to leave school to get to work, and so on… Man if I had been my mother’s generation I’d be dead Adrienne!

      I’m sure you are having a good new month learning new stuff and being busy.

      Thank you so much for coming.
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  • Siddharth Sharma says:

    Hi, Sylviane

    Great Post again Ma’m. sorry after a long time i visit your blog and just saw this awesome post. i really enjoyed while reading it and learnt lot of more and new things from this Post.

    Thanks to Share 🙂

  • Ryan BiddulphTwitter: RyanBiddulph says:

    Sylviane, congrats on your certification! Wonderful development and of course, post here too.

    I find breaking negative patterns to be easier once I spot the pattern. Me, I’ve carried an underlying, desperate fear of lack and limitation for many years, even though my success. I’m unpeeling the layers on me to find this limiting shell, so I can peel a bit more to find my true self.

    We are much more than we believe. Your story resonates with mine on many levels. The key lies in going deep down, doing uncomfortable but freeing things, and going with that flow as you noted…..and this is especially when the flow points you in a freeing, but uncomfortable direction.

    Excellent insight here.

    Tweeted and G Plus shared!
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      HI Ryan,

      So sorry for the late reply here, but trying to do it all and all you know 🙂

      I think we all have several layers of beliefs and as you said we can only peel them one by one. Some people have been able to do it at once but most of us do it in layers. I like this image.

      I started doing some uncomfortable things since 2006, and at times my dreams make me see that as it seems that my subconscious is telling to go backward. I tell you the human brain is complicated.

      Thank you so much for coming

  • Monika Sharma says:

    Very Nice post Sulviane, This is heart touching & inspirational post. We have many thing to learn from this post.

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Monika, and welcome to my blog.

      I glad you liked it. Do you mind telling me how you found my post?

      Thanks for coming.

  • Nanda RahmaniusTwitter: NandaRahmanius says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on completing your coaching certificate 🙂

    Find our real identity is important, if not, I think we will be hard to go further. Find our real identity in my opinion the same as with we find our real passion. I find that a lot of successful people come from those who follow their passion and do not give up in doing it.

    Each person is unique and has unique passion. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this with us, Sylviane.
    Nice share!

    Nanda
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Nanda,

      Yes, finding your true identity is the same as finding your true passion in a lot of ways. You’re right, successful people are usually those who follow their passion.

      Thank you for coming.

  • Carolyn Nicander MohrTwitter: wonderoftech says:

    Congratulations again on your certification, Sylviane! You’re right, even when something great happens, other stresses can offset the good news. But hey, at least you have good news from March!

    I think people’s true identity evolves. For example, we start off as children and then we grow into adulthood. Well, most of us do anyway.

    We become spouses, parents and adopt other roles in life. We make mistakes and learn from them. When we’re not nice we regret it and vow to be nicer. When we’re too nice we regret it and resolve to be tougher.

    But through it all we keep learning. Perhaps the learning process is going with the flow.
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Carolyn,

      Yes, life is not a destination, but a journey. We wear many hats in a life time for sure. However, there’s also the fact that some people are meant for certain things while others are not. For example, not everyone is meant to be an entrepreneur. Some people are just fine being employees and actually wouldn’t not want to work for themselves. I know some people like that 🙂 If we listen harder we can usually hear what our calling is.

      Thank you very much for coming and for your input. Very much appreciate it.
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  • lynne says:

    HI, a really inspiring article. finding your true identity really gives a great impact on breaking negativity patters. Thanks for sharing. Great article.

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