Why Don’t We Always Agree With Our Actions?

subconsciousWhen people ask me questions about why certain things are happening to them, I often discover that they had still not gotten it even if I had already told them.

What I mean by not gotten it, I mean that even though I’ve been telling them about the subconscious mind before, or they’ve been reading my blog for a while, they still had not figured it all out.

At times it’s going to be something I finally said that will give them that AHA moment and in such case they’ll say, “ah, I’m getting it now.”

This is exactly what happened, just this past week,  to a local person who always ask me questions about why things have been happening to him.  I finally find a way to illustrate my answer in such a way that he GOT IT.  Yes, he had an AHA moment, and hopefully he won’t have to ever ask me WHY again.

So, in this post I wanted to try to answer the question why do we do what we do, why we don’t always agree with our action.  When this person asked me again last week, WHY do I keep doing this? I guess I finally explained it to him in such a way that he finally understood fully WHY.

When that happened, I knew that I had a post there, because I bet a lot of you are still feeling the same way – you may feel that you got it, but as long as you’re still asking why, it’s proof that you didn’t.

What is the Crucial Difference Between Conscious and Subconscious Minds

The first thing that you need to understand is that there are really two of each one of us in a sense.  There is the conscious part of us and the unconscious part of us which is called the subconscious.

These two parts of the mind are totally different and exist for very different purposes.

While the conscious mind helps us to do every day little shores that keep us going about our every day business, the subconscious mind is the giant beyond that conscious that keeps our heart beating while we’re awake and while we’re asleep, and free our conscious mind of all the millions things that it couldn’t even contain.

As I have mentioned several times before over my previous posts, driving is a perfect example.  When you’re driving a car or a bike it’s not your conscious that’s driving, it’s your subconscious.  If you had to actually think about every detail that driving a vehicle requires you couldn’t even drive at all.

While you’re thinking about anything else but driving your car is still going on the correct side of the road while you pushing all the right pedals, and makes all the right turns.  All these while you’re not really consciously thinking of it.

That why sometimes when we consciously decide to take another road, if we for a split second we forget about it, our subconscious mind will take the old road.  We’ve all done that, didn’t we? I know I have more times than I can count.

Why Don’t We Always  Agree With Our Actions? 

The fundamental reason why we sometimes don’t understand our own past actions is that our conscious is not in agreement with our subconscious.  And since our actions were executed under the “mainly” the control of our subconscious mind we are only left to “consciously” wonder why.

But why such thing even happen at all?

The way I explained this person why he almost always found himself doing what he should have it’s because of the way that his subconscious mind is, or was set.  This is how I illustrated it to him so he could not only understand but stop blaming himself and thinking that he’s just simply stupid.

Our body is basically a muppet while our subconscious is the the hands that old the strings.  This is THE reason why we look at some of our past  mistakes and say, how in the world did I do this?

Does this mean that we’re stupid? Does this mean that our subconscious is stupid? NO. The subconscious is just a data storage that can only act upon its programming – it doesn’t think, or make decision. It just plays the tape, so to speak.

If you set your computer with printer A and for some reason want to add printer B, unless you tell the computer that you now want your copies come through printer, B it will still get your copies to printer A.

This is exactly HOW the subconscious mind works.

People decided that A solution is no good because they’ve been burned so many times with it, so they say, I want solution B now, but what they don’t realize is that while they want that, they haven’t changed the data of the machine, so it still gives them some the A solution – not B.

Why is the Subconscious Set in Such Way?

Your subconscious mind is not trying to ruin your life, on the contrary.  Your subconscious exist to protect you, but in the eventuality that it’s set correctly, so to speak.

If a baby tree is held correctly to grow up straight it will grow up straight and have a tall beautiful shape as an adult tree.  Thus it will accomplish its purposes of enhancing the landscape, giving shade and renewing the oxygen in the air.

However, if a baby tree is bend somehow, either purposely or by accident, the tree will grow crooked, never able to give proper shade and enhancing the landscape with its beauty.  Maybe the tree will have to be cut down and replaced by another tree.

This is what happens with the our subconscious mind to some degree.  Our subconscious mind has been bent to some degree, mostly at a very young age by the adults that raised us, and then by various experiences we went through as we were growing older.

So, our subconscious, instead of providing us with the right guidance and protection it was supposed to do, it made us take the wrong decisions, do the wrong things, end up with the wrong people in the wrong place.  Because the subconscious mind can only act upon what it knows.  If it doesn’t know any better, well, you won’t get any better results either. EVER. Until you change your programming.

Have you Gotten it?

It’s when I finally took that “bent tree” example to illustrate my point that this person finally got it!  Now the point is to find out where and how it’s bent, and how to straighten it.

A bent tree might have to be shopped down, but when it comes to your subconscious mind, you can “unbend” it and reshape it. But how?

This will be the subject of my next post. So stay tuned.
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32 thoughts on “Why Don’t We Always Agree With Our Actions?”

  1. I’m so glad that your friend “finally” got it Sylviane.

    Now I understand the reasoning behind it all and I get that the subconscious mind really is the one that controls things and the conscious mind just helps us with the day to day things. I know for me it was finding out the “why”. Like you mentioned here we all have to find out where that programming came into play that is preventing us from moving forward and fix that.

    I know that from my own experience having learned an awful lot about this that I still have struggled from time to time. You know because I’ve asked your opinion so although I “get it”, sometimes I think a lot of us receive way too much information that starts to make us think too much and the next thing you know we’re back off course once again.

    I’ve never been able to find my faults myself, I’ve needed assistance with that to help me figure it all out. When we’re talking about our own lives it’s hard to even know some of what can be holding us back which is why we have people like you who can help counsel us.

    Thanks for this post Sylviane and I’ll look forward to the next topic.

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    1. Hi Adrienne,

      Yes, it’s very hard to to diagnose ourselves, Adrienne, that’s why even coaches have a coach. It’s a bit like being able to see what’s wrong with someone’s personality, but unable to see what’s wrong with ourselves.

      A coach will always asks us questions we might never even think to ask ourselves. That’s just the nature of the human race, I think.

      The subconscious programming is a deep thing, I tell ya. As we were talking about yesterday in the hang out, I still carry with me some of my mother’s programming which she carried on from hers. So in a way, we could say that it sticks as much as a genetic blueprint.

      Next week I’m going try to give some tips to help you find out how to get into the depth of the subconscious mind, but as you already know, Adrienne, nothing will replace a real consultation with a coach
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  2. Hi Sylviane,

    Ah…glad to have made it finally to your blog while I take a little time off from my travel vacation 🙂

    I agree with Adrienne – I too am glad your friend understood it finally. I loved the example of the tree as well and I think our past experiences, and the way people come into our lives or how our dealings has been with them, all plays on our subconscious mind. If it affects us positively, we see the results, or else we need to work on it and make it alright – unbend it as you mentioned.

    I surely would love to read your next post on how you would do that, which is something all of us would benefit from.

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
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    1. Hi Harleena,

      Wow, it’s about time for me to make it here, isn’t it?

      Sometimes I get so behind it’s not even funny.

      Yes, once we understand all these things, we are left to find ways to fix them, aren’t we? It’s the hardest part, but it’s very doable and I will talk about that on my next post.

      Thanks for coming by and always appreciated, Harleena.

  3. You hear the expression I don’t know what made me think of that, it was probably my subconscious mind telling me that. Thank you for explaining it. I will say I am able to understand why I feel the way I do or why I do the things I do. I think as we age we are able to get more in touch with ourselves as many of things that we are fearful about when we are younger are not that important anymore and living the moment and appreciating life is where I am at this point. Very interesting post.
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    1. Hi Arleen, and welcome here.

      This is the good part of growing older. We understand so much more about ourselves, don’t we?

      I hope you’ll come on Wednesday for the second part of this post. How to fix the problem.

    1. Hi Lisa,

      You’ve said it, we are a product of our own experiences, so when the experiences were crappy, so do we become subconsciously, so to speak. Next post will try to help into fixing this.

      Sorry for the late reply and thanks for coming.

  4. Hi Syviane,
    Good in depth information on how important the subconscious mind is to our quality of living and to our success.
    I didn’t know the sub conscious was that much bigger than the conscious mind.
    As I was reading your blog post I had a question about how much programming is environment and how much is hereditary.
    You know the studies they’ve done with twins who were separated at birth and grew up in totally different home environments. The results were amazing that the twins would chose similar careers and have similar hobbies etc.
    I think we are born with certain pre programming..do you agree?
    I’ll be looking forward to your next blog post on how to go deep into our subconscious mind to learn more about why we act and react as we do.
    Thanks so much for sharing this information.
    Have a great weekend.
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    1. Hi Tonya and let me apologize for the late reply 🙂

      There is a minimum amount of what we call “hereditary mindset” in a way. For example, my grandmother on my mother’s side was born and raised in Spain, and even though I didn’t learn Spanish before age 30 in New York, some 28 years after my grand mother died I learned the language with so much ease. My mother used to say, it’s in your blood, and she was right to some extent.

      However, this say, environment programming is way, way stronger. There is no doubt about that. Put the same person into two different circumstances while growing up and they’ll be totally different people.

      I certainly will discuss this in my post this coming Wednesday.

      Thanks for you question and for coming by.

  5. Hi Sylviane,

    Great Post as always about the subconscious mind.

    Thanks for a great explanation about the differences between the subconscious and the conscious mind. The examples that you gave here really helped a lot to clarify the picture. Although I read about it and I kind of understand what is the subconscious and the conscious but I find it difficult to explain it to someone else but your examples took care of that now.

    I can’t wait for your next post with the tips on how to straighten the bends in our subconscious. We all have our bends that are programmed inside our subconscious and we need to upgrade. lol

    Thanks Sylviane for another great educational post. Have a great weekend ahead.

    Be Blessed,

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    1. Hi Neamat,

      I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed my explanation here, and sorry for this late, late reply, but it should get better 🙂

      I know for a fact that the subconscious mind is NOT the easiest thing to understand, for sure, so I always try to make it easier at least.

      Thank you for coming and hope you’re having a great beginning of the week.

  6. Hi Sylviane

    Great explanation!
    We spend those first years being programmed in life and for the rest of our lives we are trying to reprogram ourselves from the damage that was done.

    I guess we need to spot those things that send us off course when we want a different outcome. Like the different road example, I can see how that makes perfectly good sense why we are not changing and getting the results we want. We need to be totally aware of where we need to make that turn. So we need to be present, not running on autopilot to get the desired results we want.

    Looking forward to your next post.

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    1. Hi Mary,

      Yes, that’s right. We spend a good part of our lives trying to repair the damages done in the past. At least more and more people are becoming aware now than they did in the past. The more we are aware, the better we can fix things.

      Thanks for coming, Mary 🙂 and have a great week!

  7. Hi Sylviane, :-)I’m a Muppet!!! I knew it! LOL – I’ll never be able to think of my conscious/subconscious mind in the same way again! I’ve always loved cookies especially… Now I understand why the Cookie Monster resonates so well with me!Interesting article – thanks for the share. ~Robin~

    1. Hi Robin,

      I’m glad you enjoyed this post and thanks for coming. So, the cooking monster is in you, huh?

      Have a great week!

  8. Hi Sylviane,

    I love the analogy you gave with the tree! I do understand how the subconscious works and I’ve been working on mine for years!

    It is so important to understand your subconscious mind especially if you are repeating the same behaviors that are not pushing you forward or worse, being stuck in a situation you don’t believe you can get out of.

    I love working with my subconscious mind because there is a lot of junk in there to get rid of and I cannot do it all by myself. My latest is EMDR and I am breaking so many thinking patters that I am calmer, lately.

    We NEVER stop growing and I am a firm believer of perfecting the inner self. I just love coming to this blog!

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    1. Hi Donna,

      I know you’re well aware of your subconscious mind and always trying to improve it. Yes, there’s lots of junk in there that we can get rid of.

      I’m so glad you like this blog 🙂

  9. Hello Sylviane
    As always your post are educational and eye-openers.
    Many people do not realize why they act or react the way they do. Sometimes it is difficult for a person to diagnose themselves but like you mentioned, there are times we need outside help.

    So glad your friend received the illumination. Now he can go within and find himself.

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    1. Hi Gladys,

      Nice seeing you here and I’m glad you enjoy the posts on this blog 🙂

      Have a great week ahead!

  10. Sylviane,

    For some reason I have always thought about the conscious mind being like a lion trainer. Taming the power of the subconscious gently and giving it a certain direction. We should never try to overpower it. Because the conscious mind (or the will power) will lose.

    We have to get both minds in rapport. If there is congruency, there is no stress.

    The subconscious is to do us good. Agree… It is concerned with our physical survival, safety and reproduction. But it does not necessarily care about personal development and completing a project. This is where the mastery of the conscious mind comes in play. It needs to be a great influencer and persuader.
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  11. Sylviane,

    Yes we all can relate to this LOL… I’ve been teaching myself piano and as I was reading this post, this is what I thought of.

    I program myself to hit the keys a certain way, or hit a chord a certain way that really isn’t the right key to begin with LOL.. So I have to reprogram myself to be within the vicinity of those keys and chords in order to hit the right ones. hopefully that makes since.

    Sometimes I’m playing a song, and forget the second part just like that. I guess I’m thinking of something else. But usually I have to quiet my mind, or not play the song that day in order to get back into the vibe, or where ever I stored that song in my subconscious.

    It’s pretty interesting on how our conscious and subconscious work! Thanks for sharing!
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  12. Hi Sylviane,

    This is too funny. I just wrote a post about something similar. We seem to have a few things in common 🙂

    I relate to what you’ve written here. I had realized over the last few years that more often than not, my thoughts were thinking me and not the other way around.

    My reality would show up the way it always did and I’d resist it – wondering why I continued to created what I didn’t want without realizing that it was because I never questioned my thoughts. I automatically believed everything I thought – and then I woke up.
    It comes down to conditioning…something many of us have in common until we become aware that it’s happened.
    It’s like the example you used with the tree…
    however it was set to grow was how it was going to grow. The original “planting” creates roots and a direction for all else to follow. Our lives are no different.

    Great post!
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  13. Hi Sylviane,

    You explained the way the subconscious mind works so well, I don’t see how anyone wouldn’t understand. I’m glad your friend reached the moment of clarity. I know this is a tough concept and it was a while ago when I grasped it. Although you explained it with great analogies, it is only a start to actually reprogramming.

    I understand both analogies, but I especially like the printing one. It makes total sense. It’s easy to push a button to switch from A to B when printing a document. Doing it in life….that is the challenge.

    One thing I want to note is the fact that your friend continued to ask himself “Why do I keep doing this? My guess is “this” is probably negative. The chances of the “why” thoughts wouldn’t come up very often for positive events. For example, when someone wins a trophy for whatever…they don’t think, “Why did I win this?” They won it because their conscious and subconscious were aligned in thought and action. I’ve heard people say “Why does this always happen to me? These are dangerous thoughts. They are programming themselves for the same negative things to continue to happen. I use these “why” thoughts as an indication that something needs to be changed.

    I’ve been able to reprogram some areas, but at some point, I can see how coaching may be a necessity. I’m a work in progress.

    We lead Muppet lives so one way to change is to become the master of the strings.

    I’m looking forward to the next post.

    Raena Lynn
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    1. Hi Raena,

      Nice to see you here and the next and following post you were referring to is now up. Sorry for the late reply.

      You are right. Every time we ask “why” is usually related to something we don’t want, something negative. We usually don’t ask “why” when things go well.

      You are right also, when you’re saying that the question, why, could be dangerous. For example, when people say “why me?” they generate that pity party and they, therefore, get more material for more pity parties, which they usually get without any problem, right?. Oh body, I’ve seen this all throughout my life as I was growing up and throughout my younger years.

      I know that you get that subconscious thing, Reana, and that’s good for you. Keep up the good work 🙂
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  14. A very nice post. This happens to me a lot of times that I act in a certain manner and I myself remains unaware of why I responded or acted in that manner. There is indeed a subconscious mind which is at play. This post is a great read to discover a lot of valued points. Thanks for the share.

  15. The subconscious mind is something that is very hard to control. It is possible but with a little bit of hard work. I agree with what you said in the article. This only happens when the conscious does not meet the unconscious. Thanks for sharing this!

  16. I`ve taken the old road instead of taking a left somewhere while driving so many times but I have never attributed to me subcounciously steering the wheel and pushing the right pedals. This is rather interesting. If it weren`t for our subcouncious minds we wouldn`t have been able to live the lives that we do today. Thanks!

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