How To Create Your Perfect Life – Part Two

Create Your Perfect LifeThis past November I started a series titled “how to create your perfect life – part one.”  On that post I promised my readers that there were going to be more posts to complete this series that I’m hoping will help you to fully grasp what it takes to be able to live the life of your dreams.

And, yes, it’s possible.

That post was discussing why some people don’t have dreams and why some let their dreams die.  Then I explained how most of your behaviors in this regards have to do with your subconscious programming. If you haven’t read part one yet, I suggest that you do this first, and then come back here.

But for those who are already in the loop, here we go.

Today I wanted to talk more about how we get to where we are, and the first things we need to understand in order to be able to make any change in our life.

It took me years to finally understand why I was where I was in life. I have almost always felt out of place just about anywhere I’ve been in my life, except maybe when I was on a stage. I knew that I had to find a way to find me, so to speak. So, I guess that’s why I became so attracted to personal development. It was the source of light I needed.

I know that I am now on the right track, but why do we have so much of a hard time to get there, anyway? The quick answer is because who we really are and what we are mentally fed with don’t agree. Most of what we carry around is just learned stuff.

We learned our behaviors from 2 main sources.  Those 2 sources are modeling and dramatic events. Let’s see what this means in more details.

We Learn by Modeling?

Modeling behavior is what you learned by observing your parents or anyone who raised you and was around you the most in your early years.

People underestimate how much children learn by observing what their parents do even more than what they just tell their children to do, or be.

For example, even if you parents were to tell you “ you can do anything you want in life,” while they are working a tough job that they hate, what you are truly going to learn by modeling is NOT what they are saying, but more what they are doing.

So, while they may want you to succeed and tell you, you can do whatever you want in life, subconsciously you are really picking up on the fact that they are working a tough job that they hate.  In such case this is the model you’re going to learn from. Chances are that this behavior is the one that’s going to win in your subconscious programming.

As you grow up, you are learning unconsciously (also called subconsciously) what to think about anything and everything. What to think about money, what to think about God, what to think about people, what to think about relationships, what to think about food, what to think about behaviors, what to think about work, what to think about health, what to think about weight, etc. Remember you weren’t born with ANY of that.

We are modeling our own self behavior after the 2 to 5 people that are surrounding us the most between the ages of 0 to 16.

This is subconscious programming by modeling.

We Learn by Dramatic Events?

Besides modeling which is the most common and widely spread way of learning how to behave, we also learn from dramatic events.  For example, if one of your parents dies or moves away when you are very young, this will be a dramatic event on which your subconscious will pick up a certain behavior patterns.  A common behavior that comes out of such specific situation is the feeling of abandonment. And they are others.

If you happened to have been bullied in school, this is also a dramatic event that is going to dictate some of your behaviors for the rest of your life. Some common behaviors born from that can be depression, suicidal thoughts, and aggressiveness to name a few.

You may have been a witness to a violent crime or any dramatic event that would surely mess up with your subconscious mind, whether you ever become aware of it or not.

Such dramatic events also program us subconsciously whether we realize it or not. That’s why we call it unconscious programming.

In my case, for example, I was affected by both the loss of a parent at a young age when my father died when I was 5,  and been bullied at school from age 4 to 16.

Did those dramatic events affected my subconscious programming? You bet they did.  Tremendously. I’m still working on that to this day while I’m aware of it.  How much do you think it would affect you if you weren’t even aware that it affected you at all?

That’s why some people need to cope with their feelings using drugs, alcohol, or even violence, and other destructive behaviors.  They adopt these dramatic events that changed their life as an inherent parts of them.  It disturbed they subconscious mind so much that they fail to realize that those events are totally separated from them.

But let me tell you this. What ever happened TO you is NOT you. You have the power to detach from this completely and let it go, until you find yourself underneath all this mess. In the following posts of this series we are going to go deep down into that.

Your Subconscious Mind Runs the Show

Imagine your life to be like a movie, which it actually really is.  The movie of your life is basically run by your subconscious mind.  Actually it’s very common to hear life coaches say things like, your subconscious mind runs the show. It’s because it really does.

The subconscious is so powerful that once it learned something, it can do it automatically. You don’t ever have to actively think about it.

A very easy example is languages. The reason why you can speak without thinking is because your language is totally part of your subconscious mind now, and even more so because you’ve learned this language as a very small child. You’ve been listening to it – being molded after it – since infancy.

That’s why once it’s there it there. Only if your brain incurs some kind of damage can that darn language ever get out of there.  It’s the same thing with riding a bike, driving, swimming, walking, etc. Once you learned those things, they go to your subconscious and they’ll never get out of there.

The fact that the subconscious works that way can be both a good thing and a bad thing. In the case of the things mentioned above it’s a good thing, of course, but in the case of negative stuff it’s a bad thing.

That when this could be very bad news for our life pattern.

However, there is some good news for us, because the subconscious mind can easily be tricked. And that’s what we are going to use to change our lives in the way we want.

The Subconscious Mind Can Be Tricked

Why is it that we can be sitting in a movie theater in a comfortable chair with maybe 100 people around us, and yet get frighten, or sad watching a movie.  There is no doubt that we are consciously aware that none of the things that are making us scared or sad are real, but that doesn’t matter one bit. We are still going to scream or cry because it’s our subconscious mind being tricked.

That’s why we always say that it doesn’t matter if it true, if it’s false, if it makes sense or if it doesn’t, because the subconscious mind does believe it just the same.

When we are scared or cry because of a movie, it’s because it’s our subconscious mind reacting.  In this case, our conscious mind is NOT affected at all. It totally knows that it’s just some images passing in front of a white screen, and that we are safely sitting in a room eating popcorn and drinking soda.

The conscious, which is the analytic part of us, knows exactly what’s actually REALLY going on, but it’s that other part of us, the unconscious part (called the subconscious) that truly makes us react emotionally and physically.

Yes, what makes us vibrate and react in life, is not are logical analytic conscious mind, but our are subconscious mind that believe everything as is.

When it comes to the subconscious mind remember two things:

1-     It really runs the show – making us react to totally fictitious things as if they were real.

2-     We can trick that subconscious mind into believing anything.

Once you truly understand these two important factors of the mind, all you need to do is embrace this fact and use it for your own good.

I hope this post has prepared you well to understand the next step of this series which will be about how you can trick the subconscious mind into creating the life that you want.

In the mean time, please, leave your comments and thoughts below.

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21 thoughts on “How To Create Your Perfect Life – Part Two”

  1. Hi Sylviane,

    Yes, I remember your earlier post on these life series, and was looking forward to this one – more about the subconscious mind and how it can create the perfect life for you if you let it, which is the tricky part, isn’t it? Oh yes…I can well relate to the scary movies, eating popcorn and yet not the movie affect you, but it does somehow that’s why we cry.

    I agree about the dramatic events that also program us subconsciously and we are SO affected by all of those for years to come. It’s not easy to detach yourself and let go from all this but if you don’t I wonder where and how you’d lead your life.

    I look forward to the next part now – thanks for sharing this with us. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
    Harleena Singh invites you to read..My Killer Way to Make Money Blogging OnlineMy Profile

    1. Hi Harleena,

      Nice to see you back here. I know you took a break from blogging yourself.

      When we are scared or cry in movies it all comes from the subconscious mind, if not we wouldn’t. This example is often mentioned to help people understand that the subconscious takes everything literally and make us react strongly to things.

      The events that happened in our life are just like that movie, they really have nothing to do with who we really are, but we attribute them to who we are more than just outside events that just happened. That’s why we develop feelings such abandonment, anger and so forth.

      many people need clarification on that big time to free themselves.

      Thank you for coming, and have a great day!
      Sylviane Nuccio invites you to read..7 Tips To Keep Those Goals And Resolutions Once For AllMy Profile

  2. Hi Sylviane,

    What you say here is so important for us to understand if humanity ever hopes to gain empowerment in the presence of the victim mentality that runs our lives.

    We are run by the thoughts we don’t know we’re thinking (the subconscious) – and these thoughts come up to the surface as emotions and events to enable us to see what we carry around within us…but because so many of us don’t realize that this is how it works, we react to the situations and emotions while continuing to create the same thing repeatedly.

    The programming you mention is within all of us – and the truth is that here you are aware of how it works and you see that there is still work to be done to undo this…as do I.
    But when we understand that this is what’s going on, we can learn to be an observer of a situation we’re actually in and still gain some clarity and be able to make changes since we know what to pay attention to.

    It’s a confusing topic for so many of us and you make it easy to understand…which will serve as an asset to those who read this 🙂

    1. Hi Dana,

      Well, I know that if one of my readers here would fully understand what I mean, you would probably be at the top of the list, because I know that you’ve gotten that completely already.

      I enjoyed your post on Adrienne’s blog this week, because it resonated so much with what I’ve learned and which is now part of me too.

      Yes, those unconscious thoughts that we’re not even aware of come out disguised as feelings, emotions and even actions. For example, because I’ve been attacked verbally a lot when I was a child by bullies I have often been verbally attacking people myself. Not because I’m mean, because I’m certainly not, but it’s like my subconscious is still in that school yard at times and depending on how people would talk to me I would take it as an attack.

      It doesn’t matter how much I know it and how much I tell myself, gosh you know better than that! I still fight it 30 years later 🙂 If I feel that someone doesn’t like me, I’m still hyper sensitive about it, because of the same old crappy thing that happen to me over 30 years ago.

      That’s why I made it my mission to try to teach as much as I can about this darn subconscious mind. The more we understand it the more we can move on and grow.

      Thank you for coming and for your great input.
      Sylviane Nuccio invites you to read..7 Tips To Keep Those Goals And Resolutions Once For AllMy Profile

  3. Hi Sylviane

    Love this topic and really like your line, “We can trick that subconscious mind into believing anything.” I think I really need a lot of that thinking some days more than others. It is a work in progress of constantly beating down the demons of our youth and I found that interesting, so between 0 and 16 our issues have pretty much been programmed. I would say that is pretty accurate as all the self-esteem was out the window by then and only after that was I able to start rebuilding me.

    As the years go by I have begun to find out who I am and I have a long ways to go. I am amazed at how far I have come and other times I can’t understand what grips me with fear. “Humans” a complicated mess for sure! We have the brains to think and analyze, but yet that gets us into more of a dilemma, we over think and over analyze life too much.

    So I wrote that down about tricking the subconscious and shall work on that. I have so much to accomplish in life yet, so I need some power to do it.

    Mary
    Mary Stephenson invites you to read..The Principle of EthicsMy Profile

    1. Hi Mary,

      I’m glad you like that statement that the subconscious mind can be tricked, because lots of people forget about this simple truth. Yes, indeed, it can.

      I think you’re right, we complicate things too much and those who actually see life as a big game are the most successful ones, because they don’t.

      I’m glad you took something home from this post and thanks for sharing your thoughts with the readers here 🙂

  4. Hi Sylviane; You can sure make us think. I know that my dad was one of the people who always told me i could do anything. he would be proud of me when i did something with him or the family that was scary or hard. but then other times he would show his fear of my getting hurt because of being blind. I guess i listened more to the encouraging part. i do know that thanks to being mauled by a german shepherd a dog’s bark at the wrong time will get my heart racing more than is healthy. looking forward to your next post. take care, max
    maxwell ivey invites you to read..Caliope Corner Episode 1 featuring a chance park model carouselMy Profile

    1. Hi Max,

      I’m so glad this post helped think of those important things of OUR lives, Max. I know that when we learn and understand those things we start thinking of our parents and what they conveyed to us. And that is so very important for our growth.

      Thank you for coming and hope to see you here soon 🙂

  5. Hi Sylviane,

    You made it all click for me when you gave the example of our parents telling us one thing while doing another. I recall some instances when I did take after my parents modeled behavior.

    My therapist helped me breakthrough some dramatic events in my life. And what you said about what happened to us is not who we are is along the lines of what she said to me.

    I’ve always imagined my life like a movie and in my movie it’s like a musical and everything is really perfect. That helps me stay positive especially in the middle of all the craziness.

    This was a very informative post Sylviane. Can’t wait to read the next post. Hope you’re having a great week!
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    1. Hi Corina,

      It’s always music to my ears when someone can resonates with my post and even better when they tell me that they’ve heard that before form their own therapist. It’s just great 🙂

      I love the fact that you’re seeing your life as a movie, because this what is what I’m going to talk about more in details in the next post of this series.

      Thank you for coming and your valuable input.

  6. Hi Ms. Sylviane
    This is an interesting post allowing the readers to really evaluate themselves in the area of their thought patterns.
    The subconscious mind can be scary, but we both know that we have the power to change it.
    We need to learn to identify what is going on in our pretty heads and learn to live a different life by intentionally changing the subconscious.
    Thank you and I look forward to the next post.

    Gladys
    Gladys invites you to read..Personal Development-The Journey That CountsMy Profile

  7. Hi Sylviane,

    This was a wonderful second article in this series!

    The point you made about what happening to us, not being us really struck a chord with me. One of the most useful things I’ve learnt to do is to completely detach from emotions and thoughts, not identifying with these, and be the ‘observer’ of what is happening inside me.

    Thank you.

  8. Hi Sylviane,

    I love these lessons too so thank you for continuing this series.

    I totally understand what you mean about our programming as a child or modeling after what we’ve seen or learned. I’ve sat here in my home many times and thought back to what my parents use to say.

    Having come as far as I have now I get so frustrated with my Mom at times because she still lives a lot in the past. I know it’s her generation but we both know that anyone can change if they want to. The fact that she doesn’t is what upsets me because I’m tired of hearing the same old thing and the complaining.

    You know how much I love my mother but I also spend a lot of time with her too. I could easily revert back into that old programming but I know better now. I have a big future ahead of me and I refuse to go backwards.

    Keep up the great work and I look forward to everything you share with us on this topic.

    Hope you’re enjoying your weekend.

    ~Adrienne
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    1. Hi Adrienne,

      I so understand what you mean. People of your mother’s generation (and mine) are still with us (thank God) but at the same time they are from another world, in the sense that when they were in their 30’s the world was ages from what it is now. Let alone when they grew up.

      I know in the case of my mom, as I was slowing teaching her stuff in the last 10 years of her “thinking” life, she was very open to it, but I think that it’s because she always had some resentment of the way SHE was brought up anyway. I think that she did as many different things her mother did as she could. Yet, she still carried around some stupid stuff her mother taught her, because that’s what we do. We ALL carry around some stuff from our parents, Adrienne, that’s darn hard to get out and unlike superglue that lets go after a while this glue sticks forever 🙂

      But as long as we recognized where are parents were wrong and admit it ourselves that we still love them, but they were just wrong because they didn’t know any better, we can introduce those new thoughts to our subconscious mind and over time we can accept them.

      I loved my grandparents, but as parents they were pretty stupid (in their way of thinking) and they basically ruined their 3 kids lives, but I guess that somehow they did their best according to their own mindset at the time.

      My mom did make some mistakes, no doubts, but considering the way she grew up she was the more liberal and mother hen at the same time she could be. She never forced either me or my brother to do anything we didn’t want and she was behind us all the way in our decisions. I think that she may actually be responsible for my free thinking. I’m just fortunate that I was born a generation later.

      Don’t let your mom all thinking ways affect you, because as you said, you know better 🙂
      Sylviane Nuccio invites you to read..How To Create Your Perfect Life – Part TwoMy Profile

  9. Hi Sylviane,
    I’m sorry to hear of your childhood experiences you’ve shared. That’s a lot to go through. I know from experience that it takes a lot of work to overcome childhood trauma. It’s as engrained in you as deeply as the language you mentioned. Yes, the subconscious mind plays the greater role in who we are. The magic is getting it to obey our commands to make manifest what we desire of life.

    Have a great week!
    Bill
    William Butler invites you to read..Perception Deception: Are You Falling For This?My Profile

  10. Hi Sylviane,

    I love this subject. In fact I almost major psychology. Anyway, I read your previous post before this too. So sorry I’m behind on my reading…

    When I was growing up I didn’t have much confidence. Some of my mean uncles and aunts programmed me and made me think I was stupid and worthless. Including my parents, they were too busy fighting, mom licking her wounds while dad beats up my mom. Dad also made me feel rejected and worthless. And that’s prolly why I saw myself worthless too. Because he rejected me I was very sensitive to rejection also.

    That’s when I started reading “The Power of Your Subconscious Mind.” Yeah, I wanted to be a psychologist coz when I started reading all these self-help books it made me realize that I’m something more worthwhile, and that it wasn’t my fault to be born in this world. And that I’m beautiful. Unlike the years when my mom used to criticize me and compare me to my sister. I figured she didn’t have good example when growing up and that she was also criticized very much by my grandmother.

    Like you said, parents and grandparents did the best to their knowledge to bring up children. But none of them were models to me and no wonder I was very critical of myself and didn’t feel competent enough.

    I’m not religious but I do recite this verse to myself all the time, “I can do all thing thru Christ Jesus.” God didn’t make a mistake nor did He created junk. I’m good enough to Him, I’m good enough for me.

    The Power of Your Subconscious Mind can make suggestions that are not even real and make you feel the way you feel. Subconscious derived from the word “submissive.” It submits under our conscious mind, and so whatever the conscious believes, the subconscious believes it too. But the Subconscious can do much more, but the conscious mind needs to be convinced and BELIEVE it first or it will not manifest the true result.

    Anyway, my friend, I’m glad I got to read your two blogs. I’m running behind because of our baby german shepherd. I’m not used to getting up in the middle of the night and get her to pee outside. Plus her feeding time is on schedule, I feel like I have a human baby at home. LOL. Anyways, will catch you later…

    xoxo
    Angela
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    1. Hi Angela,

      I’m sorry you didn’t have a fun childhood. So many people have had a mess up childhood, and that’s sad. Even me with a very loving and hard working mother I still had a messed up childhood from another angle.

      So, this said that’s why it so important for us to “fix” ourselves, so to speak, and learn how to love ourselves. Louis Hay who is a coach and a writer who also had a very, very messed up childhood learned how to look in the mirror and say “I love myself, I really, really love myself.” That’s so important that we do this. I do it every day now.

      Yes, the subconscious takes whatever we feed it, that’s why we can reprogram it too. I read “The Power of the Subconscious Mind.” when I first started to mangle with personal development.

      I know you’ve been busy we you new furry baby. She is so adorable. I’ve seen her all over Facebook 🙂

  11. Excellent article. I believe everyone got dreams for themselves, regardless how big or small it is. What keeps people from achieving their goals and dreams in life is their lack of motivation. Hypnotherapy could help you get through that.

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