How Bullying Affects You And What To Do About It

Bullying (1)Are you or have you been a victim of bullies?  Are you a bully or have you bullied someone in the past? Are you aware that a lot of “normal” people you see walking around have been bullies at some point in their life?

Recently, a young woman told me that one of the team leads who works in her office used to bully her when they were in high school. Can you imagine that?

Why am I talking about bullying today? Because being bullied does affect the mind of the victims.  People need to be prepared to react in a positive way against bullies, and speak out to stop it.

So read along and, please, share this article if you know anyone that is or has been a victim of bullying.

Bullying is Like a Disorder

Bullying someone is one of the most pitiful things a human being could do to another.

If you are a bully it usually means at least two things; first- you are not comfortable in your own skin due to some negative things that has happened to YOU, and second- you have a tremendous lack of confidence and feel better only when you pick on someone else that you see as a weaker person.

What do I know about bullying you might ask?

Well, I know it first hand as I was the victim of bullies from age 4 to age 16.  That’s 12 years of bullying 101 along with what I know now that made me an expert.

Who are Bullies?

Bullies are children or teenagers who are a danger to their peers. Bullies should never be taken lightly, because bullying can have grave consequences as some recent enough news has shown us.

Bullies are like predators and will attach anyone they feel are weaker than them.  Some people may think that bullies attack only odd individuals, but that’s not the case.

Bullies attack anyone that they subconsciously see as a threat to them.  Not a physical threat, but a psychological one. Often, it will come from an inferiority complex.

Some of the factors that can trigger a bully are:

  • Jealousy
  • Envy
  • Instability at home
  • Verbal and physical abuse
  • Uncaring parents

Why Bullies are Dangerous?

In the past, bullies were not considered to be dangerous and for the most part their behavior was simply ignored.

However, today, our society is realizing that bullying can’t be ignored anymore because there are some unseen dangers directly related to this.

Beside the fact that bullying could be dangerous in a physical sense, it is not the most dangerous and common effect of bullying.   The most dangerous and common effects of bullying is the psychological dangers which can sometimes turn into health issues, and even suicide of the victim. Or in some extreme cases, mass murder.

In my case, years of bullying made me develop a stomach ulcer, and various other physical side effects, but most of all, it also affected my very peace of mind to the point that I became a complete nerves wreck, and affected my overall self confidence for a very good chunk of my life.

Really, severe bullying calls for therapy.

To some degree, you never fully recover from bullying. There’s always a part of you that will still be affected by this.

This is why bullying is so dangerous.  Even though it’s not a physical virus that can make you physically sick, it’s a virus that can leave you with emotional and even physical scares for life.

The best cure against a physical virus is prevention. That’s why people get vaccinated.  The best cure against bullying is also prevention.  And prevention starts with awareness and accepting the facts.

What do you Need to do if you are Being Bullied?

Speak up

As soon as you feel the first effects of bullying don’t just sit there or try to ignore it. Act now and help stop the virus it starts spreading.

If you are victim of any type of bullying, physical or emotional, you need to speak up right away. Do not keep it to yourself in the hope that it will go away.  It won’t.  If you are a victim of bullying at school you need to let your teachers and your parents know immediately.

If you let your aggressors win by keeping quiet and being intimated you give them more power and your case will get worse over time, not better.

Aggressors tend to “improve” their skills, so to speak, and while they may start slow, most likely their bullying methods will escalate.

Do not Fear

I’m sure you know how a dog can smell fear.  In some cases if a dog smells your fear it can trigger some aggressiveness.  Well, this is not a fact only with dogs.

Humans are just like dogs. Sorry if it’s sounds bad for some; it’s just the truth.  Some people will react exactly like aggressive dogs.  If they feel your fear, they will attack.

Now, most aggressive dogs will not react aggressively when faced by a confident person.  I’ve witnessed that several times myself. And it’s the same thing with bullies.

If you do not fear bullies they will feel that and leave you alone.

A friend of mine always tells me “bullies were afraid of me” even though he wasn’t a bully but rather an advocate for them, bullies knew to leave him alone because he would have fought back and win.

I’ve seen this with dogs and I’ve seen this with bullies – it works just the same way.  It’s all about being able to go beyond your fear, and send vibrations of confidence that let bullies know not to mess with you.

I know it’s not easy. While I have that now, I didn’t have it then.

Alert People around you

If you find yourself cornered in a school yard and feel threatened, voice it! Alert people around you. What do you have to lose?

What makes bullies stronger is that the victim stays silent and people standing just a few yards away might not even be aware of what’s going on.

If I were to be bullied all over again that’s what I would do.  Alert people around me.

If you yell loud enough, believe me people are going to turn their heads and you are going to get their attention.  When you do get attention, speak up about what’s happening to you, and make sure people understand that you need help. Thing 911.

If I had done that myself when I was bullied in school, my suffering would have never turned inward and given me the trauma that it did.  Speak up, and speak up as soon as possible.

Reach out with your Story

This is something that wasn’t easy to do when I was victim of bullies, but today we have something called the internet and social media where you can tell the world about what’s happening to you and seek help if nothing else has worked before.

If your school doesn’t care, believe me, someone will somewhere.  All you have to do is tell publicly about what’s going on. In today’s media it will get a lot of attention, and things will change for you.

You don’t have to suffer for 12 years like I did. Not anymore.

You should never be scared or ashamed about telling on your aggressors.  Being bullied can literally ruin your life in many different ways, and I’m not kidding or exaggerating.  I’m sure you’ve heard about enough sad cases to know that what I’m saying is true.

So, don’t let the bullies win by any mean.  Defend yourself by any safe and legal means that fit best to your case.  The important thing is that you do something to stop this type of abuse.

What does being Bullied has to do with your Subconscious Mind and the Law of Attraction?

Maybe you’ve been wondering this all throughout this post.  What being bullied has to do with your subconscious mind and the law of attraction?

Do you think I was bullied for 12 years of my young life just by chance?

Of course not!  When you are being bullied and don’t do anything about it, it becomes your “normal” and it affects your subconscious mind in a negative way.

Then, in turn, it makes you attract more bullies into your life.   I kept attracting bullies for 12 years in a row through 3 different schools.  The law of attraction is always at work.

Don’t let bullies take over your mind and life. React to stop it.  Prevent it, just like a virus.

If you are the victim of bullies I hope this post was helpful to you. What about you? Have you ever been a victim of bullies? Please, tell us your story in the comment area.

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26 Comments

  • AdrienneTwitter: adriennesmith40 says:

    I hear so many horror stories Sylviane about people having been bullied. I use to think that I never had so it’s hard for me to understand but I think I did have one incident and it’s one that has darn near ruined a certain part of my life.

    When I was 6 years old, the lady across the street from us had a grandson that would come over to visit. He was what we called the “mean kid” back then and he was mean to everyone.

    Well we eventually moved from that neighborhood and I was so happy to hopefully never lay eyes on that kid again. Unfortunately, we moved to a nicer neighborhood when I was 8 and we were members of the country club. My parents were big golfers but I didn’t do so well so I would always go and enjoy the pool.

    One day I was playing in the pool having a great time and I look up and who do I see? The mean kid and back then he was called Mister. He jumped in the water and tried to drown me. Literally was drowning me until the life guard pulled him off of me. Since that day I’ve been traumatized and I can’t put my head under the water for any length of time or I hyperventilate. I’ve tried snorkeling and had instructors there with me holding my hand walking me through and I would still hyperventilate. I hate that kid for what he did to me and it’s seriously ruined that part of my life. There are so many underwater things I can’t do because of that and believe me, I’ve tried so hard to move past that.

    I wish more people would speak up because I have no doubt at all that the majority of them go on to be criminals. Not all of course but some.

    Thanks for bringing this to light and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that for years. That’s horrible.

    ~Adrienne
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Adrienne,

      Thanks for sharing this. As I said you never fully recover from being bullied, that’s what makes it unacceptable.

      I think that my being bullied by kids is the main reason I never wanted kids. As a matter of fact until age 20 or 21 I would cross over when a group of kids would be about to pass me by. So, I so understand you with that drowning. I would be surprised if it didn’t affect you, as a matter of fact.

      I wish a lot of bullied people would read this post, as it is for them.

  • Sue Neal says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    I’m really fortunate never to have been the victim of bullying, and my heart goes out to those who experience it. I can’t imagine how I’d cope with what you’ve been through.

    I think the most disturbing thing these days is the way children and adults can be bullied online – cyber-bullying is one of the great curses of the internet age, and really needs stamping out.

    You’re right to raise awareness of this terrible issue and your advice that people should speak up about it is absolutely spot on – the worst thing victims can do is suffer in silence.

    A brave and important post, Sylviane – thank you,

    Sue

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Sue,

      I always had a soft spot for bullied people, even those who have committed a crime because of it, because I know that it can drive you crazy, and what happened in those sad cases it’s that they literally became that way.

      This is why people need to take this seriously. Bullying, in the end is dangerous for society even indirectly.

      I have an online friend who has a site against cyber-bulling, and since he knows I knew about this subject he had asked me to write a couple of articles about this. This is such an internet plague, indeed.

      I’m so glad you’ve never had to deal with this.

  • Neamat TawadrousTwitter: nkeriakos says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    This is a great topic you are bringing to light Sylviane. Yes, I also suffered from bullying for a long time in my school years and I suffered low self-esteem as a result of it even till I am an adult and I started working. I have doubted myself and my abilities.

    When I started working, I wanted to prove to myself that I can do well and I am able. I worked hard and my employer started to praise my work and sent me abroad to get some courses and from here things started to get better for me but as you said, bullying leave its scars and you can’t heal 100%.

    I am glad you advised to raise awareness of this virus and that people should speak up about it and not keep it to themselves as it will only hurt them at the end.

    I also liked the advice to not fear and the analogy of the dogs to humans is really a fact and as the dog can smell fear and become aggressive so do humans, they take advantage if they feel your fear and it is easy for them to attack.

    Thanks Sylviane for this great share and advice and I hope those going through bullying heed the advice and get the help they need before it is too late.

    Be Blessed,

    Neamat
    Neamat Tawadrous invites you to read..The Power Of Commitment in Network Marketing!My Profile

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Neamat,

      First of all, I’m sorry that you had to go through being bullied, Neamat. Bullied people are usually the nicest ones, so that’s our consolation, right?

      I use that comparison of humans to dogs al lot and I don’t care our negatively some may take this, is just true. There’s an American criminologist who said ones, “humans are animals and like any other animals, sometimes they attack”. Well said. I agree with her 100%.

      I’m so glad that you’ve got over this for the most part and know that you are talented and can use such talent online 🙂

      Thank you for your testimony, and have a great week!

  • Tonya Stephens says:

    Hi Sylvianne,
    I have never been bullied by anyone in or out of school. I had some cousins who were pretty aggressive but luckily I didn’t see them very often.
    We all know now how dangerous bullying can be especially for adolescent boys. Suicide is only one result of it.
    Thank you for sharing this information and also for opening up about your experiences.
    Tonya

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Tonya,

      I guess that even if we were lucky enough not to be bullied ourselves, we’ve all known some bullies. Thanks for sharing this, and I’m glad you didn’t see your cousins too often.

  • Harleena SinghTwitter: harleenas says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    This is surely an important topic because it affects the psyche of the person for years to come. Even though I was never bullied, but my sister always says I was a bully to her (joke!), which I think all elder ones are a little to their younger siblings. I guess they have to be a little bossy or discipline them when the parents aren’t around, so she feels like that, though now shes the one who bosses over me 🙂

    Jokes apart, I liked all that you mentioned about how and what bullies are, and how they affect us. We had a few bullies at school as far as I can remember, but we really kept away from their group, though always felt bad at the way they treated others. And you are right, the ones who are bullied need to fight their way out. speak up and alert people around you so that they can help, or then as in your case, you suffered much too long for those many years…must have been really horrible.

    Thanks for sharing this with us. Have a nice weekend 🙂
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Harleena,

      I’m glad that you were never bullied, because it’s no fun.

      I’ve always been on the side of the under-dog myself, and interestingly the only time I reacted violently against bullies is one time I caught them trying to get on my little brother’s case. Then I became a whole different person, but I wasn’t able to do the same for myself. Go figure.

  • Sonia says:

    When I was in junior high, I was bullied and actually hung out with the bullies. The problem is I didn’t know they bullied people at school until one of the girls didn’t come to school one day. They talked about her like a “dog” and when she came back, it was like nothing happened. Then it hit me what type of people they were and I stopped hanging out with them.

    The bullying started soon after and I found myself being a loner for the rest of my stay. I was teased because I liked rock music and wore glasses and that was pretty painful. Where I had enough was when we were at a slumber party and I heard them talking about me when I was in the bathroom.

    When I came out I confronted the 3 culprits and surprise, surprise, they didn’t say a word. So I processed on to embarrass the hell out of them and inform everyone at the party of all the bad things said about them too from the 3 fools that were invited to this party. Needless to say, the room became very quiet, their parents asked them to leave and that was the end of me taking crap from anyone. After that, they stayed clear of me and so did everyone else.

    Eventually they ended up being bullied and I moved away. Bullying hurts your self esteem and your confidence. It is probably why till this day I stay clear of people that gossip maliciously and treat others cruel. I find it in the work place a lot and many good employees leave jobs because of it. It happened again at the work place and again, I “outted” the culprits and this time they lost their jobs because I took it HR and HR’s boss. 5 People lost their job and that was the end of that mess.

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Sonia,

      Well, I love everything you said here, and I wish I had been there to SEE it!

      See, that’s what I mean by speaking up! Yell! Let it known! I know it works and when I replay the movie of my years of bullying I know that if I had done that, it would have changed my world.

      Bullies are usually very weak as individuals, and their strength is only linked to the fact that they are in groups, so any bullied person must remember that. Break the group down and there’s nothing left!

      I know what you mean about gossiping and how it relates to bulling. One of the MAIN reasons I hate jobs is because it’s in each and every work place under the sun. I’m so glad you’ve got those gossipers fired. You go girl!

      Thanks so much for this great comment 🙂

      • Sonia says:

        I love what you said about “breaking the group down” because bullies don’t “bully” by themselves. Funny how that is. I wish more kids stuck up for themselves because they grow up so messed up if is not addressed. I was lucky because my mother was very outspoken and I wasn’t, but after I heard them talking about me in the bathroom, I had about enough. Something just went off inside me and I almost jumped one of them, but that was in my pre-teen days.

        • Sylviane Nuccio says:

          Hi again, Sonia,

          My mother was very outspoken too and she went to complain to my schools so many times. But the thing is no matter how often a parent goes to school to turn the alarm on, if the body of teachers don’t do anything, it doesn’t help.

          Gosh, my mother encouraged me to react again those animals too, she used to tell me, fight them! kill them! But I guess my fear was huge. I only wish I was who I am not back then, and that would have been a total different story.

        • Sylviane Nuccio says:

          Yes, I agree, no bulling would last long if the person bullied would react strongly once for all. The problem is we don’t always. It’s easier said than done.

          As I mentioned above if it were now, no way on earth I would be bullied, but I wasn’t the same person back then. That’s just it

          We don’t always know why a kid is weak – sometimes there is an obvious explanation and sometimes there isn’t.

          That’s why I wrote this post, for those who might need the little extra push and information in order to react against bullies.

  • Sue PriceTwitter: suejprice says:

    Hi Sylviane

    This is such a big topic at the moment. Of course now we have syber bullying as well. You said bullies are children or teenagers but personally I do not think it stops there I know adults I call bullies. And they and one in particular I am thinking of bullies other adults. I am sure this has just continued on since childhood but it is hideous to see that.

    What distresses me most is to hear on the media the number of suicides caused by bullying. It is very alarming.

    I never suffered bullying really but still remember things that were said to me when I was young. I am also ashamed to admit I could give that right back.

    A great topic to put in the open Sylviane.

    Sue
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Sue,

      Yes, most bullies are children and teenagers, but of course there are adult bullies too. No doubt.

      I think that the only reason there are so many bullies and so many young people killing themselves because of bullying is fear.

      We must stop fearing those bullies and take control. If we did buillying would go down, I’m sure, and its bad results as well.

      Thanks for sharing your input, Sue 🙂

  • Anushha says:

    Bullying is a common phenomenon in schools and colleges these days. The trend was quite persistent in the college where I completed by graduation as well as post graduation. But in my opinion nobody can treat you badly unless you allow them to do so. I was once bullied by a couple of my classmates, I simply took my stand and told them at their faces that this kind of bullying can’t make me feel weak. From that very moment, I became a kind of known face in my college. It’s all in our hands, we need to collect the courage and stand for ourselves. Thanks.

  • marytlou says:

    Bullying in my opinion is a kind of psyhcological disorder that is a result of certain insecurities and complexes which people take out on others. However it should be tackle with in a very cautious manner because bullies can be dangerous too. Thanks for the share.

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Marytlou,

      Yes, that’s exactly right, it’s an insecurity disorder that kids or adults take on others. But yes, it’s dangereous and should be dealt with.

  • Lisa Magoulas says:

    Sylviane,
    You’re a strong woman to have made it through such tough times. You have wonderful guardian angels who took care of you. It’s sad because as you mentioned, there’s something going on at home if the child is bullying. And it doesn’t stop with children. I’ve worked in Corporate America where it happens all the time. You would think it wouldn’t but it does. People are strange. I’m glad you have made it through and realize what a wonderful person you are. Thank you so much for sharing. Warmest regards…Lisa

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Lisa,

      Thanks so much for your kind words.

      I think that adult buillying is even uglier and worse than among children and teenagers. That’s a shame.

      Thanks for coming, Lisa, and have a wonderful weekend!

  • Alexis Marlons says:

    As a parent, I am most concerned about bullying especially in the part of my kids. I have not been bullied or was a bully during my younger years though I’ve seen so much bullying and I am trying to teach my kids not to be a bully or to not let anyone bully them. This is indeed a serious issue that should be talked about starting at home.

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Alexis,

      Yes, bullying is a serious issue that can’t be avoided. It’s good to teach your kids to both not be bullies and not let others bully them.

      Thanks for sharing this with us.

  • DeeAnn Rice says:

    Sylviane,

    I was also a victim of bullies when I was in grade school and junior high.

    It really started in 5th and 6th grade and then got a lot worse in junior high. I think you are right about attracting bullies. The law of attraction is at work all of the time. I think that I attracted the bullies to me. I was very quiet and did not stand up for myself.

    It was a different time then also. At that time the teachers would actually support the bullies. I think they liked the kids who were very out spoken and when the bullies would make rude comments about someone the teachers would more than likely laugh with the bullies. I also think there was no support for the teachers against the bullies. If the teachers wanted to have a calm, controlled classroom they had to join in and support the bullies. Other wise the bullies would cause mayhem in the class and the teachers would lose control.

    Today things are different as you said. There is very little support for bulling and lots of support from high levels to stop bullies. This is a good thing. It really needs to be stopped.

    Great post.

    Dee Ann

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Thanks for your excellent comment, DeeAnn,

      Yes, and that’s a shame isn’t it? I agree, the teachers back then tended to like the type of students that bullies were. I know, what you mean. I’ve seen this for years.

      Thankfully, bullies are not so popular in the eyes of the public anymore.

      Thanks for your input on this topic.

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