How To Gain Self Confidence

How to gain self-confidence is probably one of the most sought out subjects online and offline.

People all over the world are looking to gain MORE self-confidence but, in order to gain such confidence, you need to step back just for a moment and make sure that you really understand what “confidence” is.

We All Start With Bundle of Self Confidence

Have you noticed how little children have plenty of confidence?  They are not scared of anything really unless they are taught to.  You might say, well, they are not scared because they don’t know any better.  They are “ignorant” so to speak, due to their young age.

Even though this is true, in part, the other very obvious and overwhelming reason why little children have no fear and are full of self-confidence because their subconscious mind has not been “taught” to fear yet.

This is something that we, unfortunately, learn quickly enough because of the way we are being raised, because of our own negative experiences and other circumstances we might run into throughout our life.

Self Confidence or the Lack of it is 99.9% Taught

For me to be able to tell you a true story that will illustrate how lack of self-confidence is being taught and not something we are born with, I do not have to think very much.  The story of my own mother is a great one.

My mother has always been an extremely talented woman who could use both her head and her hands to do just about anything she put her mind to.  She was the kind of person who should have had all the self-confidence in the world and end up being extremely successful in whatever trade she might have chosen.

My mother could read fluently at the age of 5, she was an A+ student all of her schooling life, she spoke 3 languages, French, Spanish and Italian fluently and she was a talented tailor and cloth designer without having been to any school for it.  Those were her early talents, she developed even more over the years.

However, what she didn’t have were parents who encouraged self-confidence and, therefore, she never learned how to gain such valuable self-confidence.

On the contrary, she subconsciously learned over time NOT to be self-confident and her whole life she paid a dear price for such lack of confidence never to be replaced by any talent and ability she might have had.

In other words, your self-confidence or the lack of it will be a tremendous factor in your success in life or the lack of it.  It can make you or break you.

Unfortunately, most of us have stories that led us to develop some type of lack of self-confidence.  Such lack of confidence is now very deeply embedded in our subconscious mind. 

It was taught to us verbally, by actions or by experience; it doesn’t really matter, the result is the same – we have a lack of self-confidence.  However, such limiting state can be overcome by digging into your subconscious.

If you are not clear about what the subconscious mind is, I encourage you to read about it here, once you’ve finished this article.

Is Self Confidence Planted In Your Subconscious mind? 

The problem with our subconscious mind is that it doesn’t learn, it simply records words and experiences and, if it has recorded enough data that would translate into lack of self-confidence, chances are that such lack of confidence will stay with you for the rest of your life unless, you do something about it.

That something has to affect your subconscious mind in order to be transformed.

One of the best ways I ever heard the subconscious mind explained in simple words is that it can be compared to a tape recorder.  A tape recorder doesn’t think, judge, analyze or rationalize – all it does is tape whatever sound is there – such as voices, background noises and whatever you might or might not want to be recorded will be on that tape.

Our subconscious mind works just like that!  It “tapes” it all, the good the bad and the indifferent.  And it will stay there unless your tape something else on top of it.

Self-confidence or the lack of it has been planted (recorded) in our subconscious mind when we were just a small child.

How Can You Program Self Confidence in Your Subconscious Mind?

There are several tools you can use to change the programming of your subconscious mind that translates in the lack of self-confidence.  Once you do you will gain more self-confidence and improve your personal and professional life.  Let’s see what they are.

1)      Repetition – Affirmation – Self Talk

To repeat an affirmation over and over will eventually influence your subconscious mind when you are starting to believe such affirmation.  However, don’t be fooled, it will NOT work just by mere repetition alone if you don’t start believing it.

The best way to start believing your positive affirmations also called “self-talk” is by putting some emotion into it.  The subconscious mind learns by emotion better than any other ways.

2)      Self-help audio meditation and hypnosis

Audio meditation and audio hypnosis session are two very effective ways to induce your subconscious mind into “recording” something new.

The reason for this is what is called the Critical Factor which serves as a guardian between our conscious and subconscious minds.

The critical factor may prevent new ideas to pass from the conscious to the subconscious, however, it is more dormant under meditation and hypnosis and, therefore, the subconscious is more accessible to such new ideas.

When I say hypnosis, I am talking about up-building hypnosis, not unconscious hypnosis as you might have seen on TV.

3)      Coaching

If affirmations (self-talk) alone is not enough or doesn’t work for you, or if you don’t have the necessary self-discipline to use audio meditation and hypnosis material, coaching might be what you need to transform your subconscious beliefs that led you to have lack of self-confidence.

A life coach can help you pinpoint exactly the subconscious beliefs that need to be replaced and what will best trigger your issues in order to be able to gain self-confidence.

4)      Vision boards

Vision boards are the visual versions of self-talk.  By putting images of what you want to have or want to become in front of you every day, you are passing on messages to your subconscious mind that will eventually influence it, depending on how much and how often you look at such images.

Nowadays, there are some great online vision boards such as Dream Manifesto Wizard and The Attractor Genie for example, which are intelligent vision boards that can maximize your results.

Whichever type of help might be BEST for you to help you improve and gain self-confidence doesn’t matter. We are all different and can benefit from several options we can choose from.

Such tools can and will help you to gain more self-confidence if you put your mind to it and, that’s all worth it.


Sylviane Nuccio



7 thoughts on “How To Gain Self Confidence”

  1. I understand what you are talking about Sylviane. I’m sorry your mother had to deal with all of that, she sounded like a truly talented and amazing woman.

    I know from my own experience that when I was in the secretarial field I continued to excel. It was mostly because of my organizational skills, my outgoing personality and my helpful nature. But I knew I was good at what I did so no one could tell me otherwise. While I was there, I made it to the top of the pay scale in that profession.

    Then I ventured into unknown territory and although I had all those qualities that helped me excel in the corporate world, they didn’t do much for me in the online world. My confidence level was pretty much beat down until I started working with a spiritual life coach and she helped me understand that I was much more than what I thought of myself. It did wonders for me.

    I also write daily afformations, I have a vision board and I do meditate each morning. All of these things I know have helped me in a huge way.

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    1. Hi Adrienne,

      I am sorry if I sounded like my mother was dead, she is not but, she has Alzheimer and has not spoken a word for over a year now.

      If I had not known about what this blog is talking about I don’t think I could have make it through these past 3 years. When you work on your mind it really makes a difference. It makes you much stronger.

      It’s very interesting that you were doing so well at your job, and thought little of you when you started working on your own. It’s incredible how we discover of ourselves when we go out of our tracks.

      It’s by get out of our comfort zone that we learn the most about ourselves.

      However, it seems that you bounced back big time, Adrienne, and you are doing great… you blog traffic is incredibly good and I am sure so is your business 🙂

    1. Yes, indeed, Holly. I am so glad that my mother herself ALWAYS encouraged me to go from my dreams.

  2. Hey there Sylviane. Self-confidence is such a fascinating topic.

    I definitely agree that the subconscious mind is most responsible for our confidence, or lack thereof. It is such a strange thing to say that early childhood experiences could influence us so heavily, but they do.

    Your solution is great – I think in particular, repetition is necessary to undo our negative conditioning and replace it with positive thoughts and beliefs.

    Take care.
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  3. Hi Fred,

    Thanks for passing by and giving your thoughts on that. Yes, indeed repetition is very important until we can erase the old recording and replace it with the new 🙂

  4. Many people have problem with self confidence and I myself encountered having low self esteem. I just hope many people will develop and enhance their self esteem and self confidence because of this.
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