Why Single Moms Need To Be Financially Secure Before Moving Into A New Relationship

Why not enter a relationship before being financially secure

You are a single mom, and while you’ve managed to live on your own, and raise your kids decently enough, you wish you could meet a rich prince charming to eliminate every single little financial worry you may have.

Well, while this is all nice and pretty, that’s not what you want.

I promise.

Why?

Because as soon as you put your financial future in the hand of someone else, you bring upon yourself potential headaches, heartaches, and struggle.

You may be thinking that what you need right now is a man who could help you in your financially, but what you really need is YOU to help yourself become more financially stable.

What you need is to be financially secure before moving into a new relationship.

In this post, I’m going to tell you exactly why, and how you can start, so you can be on your way getting there on your own, not because of someone else…

Because when you do…

 

You are Giving your Power Away to Someone Else

What happens when you rely on someone else for you to be financially secure?

Well, what happens is that you put the power to control you in someone else’s hands. And when you do this, it means that you are taking that power away from yourself.

As soon as you rely on someone else to do something for you, you give that power to that someone else, and by the same token, you’re taking such power away from yourself.

It works in everything, but even more so in the case of relationships.

And by the way, not only when it comes to money.

While my mother was married to my father (until his early demise) she thought that she didn’t need to learn how to drive, because she had her husband to drive her around.

However, when she found herself a widow at age 37, it was a tough awakening living in a small village where you had to drive to go everywhere you needed to go.

So, at age 37 she had to start doing what most people would do 20 years earlier, which is learning how to drive.

She hated it, and it wasn’t easy for her. I still remember that even though I was very young at the time.

You see, if she had not counted on her husband to drive her around, if she had decided to learn how to drive for herself 15 years earlier, she could  have avoided the stress of getting an emergency driver’s license.

But because she counted on her relationship to handle that problem, she wasn’t ready when my father died.

There are really only two ways to learn things, one is called the easy way, and one is called the hard way.

In this particular case, my mother learned her lesson the hard way.

You need to live your own life and do everything you need to do as a person, not as someone in a relationship. You need to BE your own person to the full.

If you leave anything behind, under the hat of the “relationship bound” so to speak, you’re giving your power away to someone else.

When that happens, you are actually…

 

Sending the Wrong Message to your Subconscious

You may or may not be familiar with the power of the subconscious mind, and if you’re not I advise you to read and follow my blog.

But even if you’re completely new to this, you need to know that your subconscious mind has been and is being programmed from the time you were born, and even before that.

I was just watching a scientific program on TV yesterday where they did some tests with 18-month-old babies that showed that even 18-month-old babies can already make some basic additions and subtractions.

Why?

Because there is a subconscious programming that exists in every single human being and even animals, before as well after birth.

When you tell yourself that you need a relationship to help you out financially, you are programming your own subconscious mind that you can’t do it alone – that you need someone else to do it for you.

You need another human being to save you.

The problem with that, is that when you need someone else to save you, it weakens you.

 

You’re Existing through Someone Else

The reason why I can so relate to you is that I’ve been there.

I’ve made the mistake of letting myself exist through someone else more than once, and because of that, I set myself for failure until I woke up.

But before I did, I felt non-existent.

When you enter a relationship while you’re far from being financially secure, you’re very lifestyle depends on someone else, not on you. And when or if that someone else gets out of the picture, you’re lifestyle goes down the drain.

Your very existence as you know it will be very much challenged.

According to some research, one of the top 3 reasons why women stay in an unhealthy relationship is money.

While already half of marriages end in divorce, probably half of people who do stay married, do so for financial reasons. And that’s not a good reason for anyone to stay in a marriage.

I have had conversations with women who are still married, and have admitted to me that if it weren’t for the financial factor, they wouldn’t be in their marriage anymore.

So, this brings us back to the core of our discussion, doesn’t it?

If you were to enter a relationship before you’re financially  secure, or where you really want to be, you’d be setting yourself up for troubles that you may not even be in right now, as a single mom still being able to manage your financial life.

It’s very important that you learn how to become financially secure before you get into a relationship, and I can show you how.

 

First Step into Becoming Financially Secure

The first step in becoming financially secure starts in your mind and in the understanding of how your can use the law of attraction to help your financial situation.

Do you feel that your motivation to enter a new relationship is your financial situation?

If so, why not try to better your financial situation first, so you can start a relationship that is not going to make you feel stuck in it in any way, shape or form, but rather enhance your life situation with no agenda behind it.

To learn more about how to attract money, get my free video course by filling out the form.

Maybe you need to start by understanding money in all its form, and what you need to change at the root to be able to attract more of it.

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19 Comments

  • Harleena SinghTwitter: harleenas says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    You are SO right about all that you mentioned 🙂

    In fact, I was nodding my head in agreement as I was reading along, as I’ve an aunt who became a single mom at a very young age. Even though she was a qualified doctor, she was dependent on her husband for a lot many things, like driving the car, doing all the bank and insurance works etc. So, once she lost him, she was totally lost – even though she was so qualified otherwise. It was only after she lost him, did she learn all these things, and brought up her kid’s etc.

    Yes, you nailed it there – married women usually start depending on their life partner for a lot many things, which they can also do (had their better halves not been around – just as is seen when they lose their husbands). As you mentioned, such people program their own subconscious mind that they can’t do it alone – that they need someone else to do it for them.But some face problems even when they are financially secure, as my aunt, as it was a choice she made as she knew there was someone to take care of those things.

    Financial security is essential, married, unmarried or divorced, and I am glad you raised this topic today. Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
    Harleena Singh invites you to read..Why Your Life Plan Can Fail And What To Do About ItMy Profile

  • AdrienneTwitter: adriennesmith40 says:

    Hey Sylviane,

    Well I definitely agree with this one as well although I’m not a mother.

    I was though once married to a man who wanted me to quit my job and stay home. He had custody of his then five year old son and although I loved being with him I never wanted to depend on someone else for my own future. I’m glad I never took that step because when we divorced I know he would have held all of that over my head and I might have been one of those women who stayed in the relationship because he had control over everything.

    I also know how it was for my girlfriend who lost her husband at such an early age as well. I remember having discussions with her about things she needed to do like when to get the oil changed in her car, her tires rotated or when to have the air conditioning serviced. Things he’d always taken care of that she now had to handle on her own. She knew nothing about their financial situation either and was in for a rude awakening.

    I just hate to see anyone give all that power away. It’s wonderful to find love and happiness and if that leads to marriage then great. But you need to be in your own right first and not have to depend on someone else. I know that anyone who is in that situation can definitely learn from you.

    Enjoy your week Sylviane and awesome post. I’ll be sure to share it as well.

    ~Adrienne
    Adrienne invites you to read..How To Stop Failing Miserably With Your Blog (Even if You Feel Tired and Worn Out)My Profile

  • Kim George says:

    Helloooo there Sylviane!

    Well this post has definitely struck a nerve for me. I was raised in a single parent home where my mother was the primary breadwinner and etc (until she was married).

    The one thing that I am so grateful for is that she really taught me the importance of being able to take care of myself (financially) and not depending on others…because as we know, things change and people change.

    I am definitely sharing this article as this is a subject/topic that is near and dear to my heart. I always try to stress this to my girlfriends (who thankfully) are doing well for themselves.

    Great post chica!

    • Arnold says:

      I was also raised in a home where my mother was the primary breadwinner. After my stepfather’s passing, she chose to remarry. It’s funny because she always said she would never re-remarry LOL. I’ve been dating for years and have never married, or re-remarried. I like being out and about and have had many partners come and go, and it’s been a fun ride since I have never depended on them for support. Check out my video I did on dating if you’re interested, it’s about, but it applies to hiking discussion too since there’s a lot of time together so you need to brush up on your conversation skills!

  • Vee N Ric says:

    Hi Sylviane.
    How are you?
    Back at your blog,
    To seek some more
    Inspiration!
    Yes, wouldn’t that be nice
    For a struggling single mom..
    For all struggling single moms
    To be able to meet
    Prince Charmings?
    Sadly, there are very few
    Prince Charmings left
    And I am sure that
    Most of them are taken.
    Excellent advice you have given here
    Telling single moms’
    To be financially secure.
    Great post a usual.
    Love your thoughts.
    Enjoy your weekend.
    Regards.

  • Dee Ann Rice says:

    Sylviane,

    Everything you said is so true.

    I have been a single mother and I worked really hard to become financially secure but I have to admit that when I got married again I was not 100% financially secure on my own or at least not like I would have liked to be.

    On the other hand when it came to assets, I brought as much financially into my second marriage as my new husband did. We both had a house and land. Mine was probably worth more than my husbands. We were equal with cars and other possessions.

    The place I was lacking was income. I had 5 kids and did not have the income or savings my husband did.

    I really wish I had been more financially secure before I got married again. While I did not need to get married for financial reasons I think things between us might have been better at times if I had been as financially secure as he was.

    Great advice and information.

    Dee Ann

  • Don PurdumTwitter: unveiltheweb says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    I see it all the time, people trying to exist through other people and trying to figure out happiness when they are not happy.

    I have a lot of respect for single Moms. Especially those Moms who have decided that they are going to make it work.

    A person who is secure with herself is the kind of person who can make a commitment work. If she knows herself and is secure then she will also know what she is looking for in a partner as well.

    Therein lies the win-win.

    Fantastic post Sylviane!!!!

    Keep up the great work and it’s wonderful to see you making a difference for so many people!

    ~ Don Purdum
    Don Purdum invites you to read..How to Stop Inefficiently Losing Money in Content MarketingMy Profile

  • Shantanu Sinha says:

    Hi Sylviane Nuccio,

    These things which you mentioned, are so true and applicable.

    Talking about the financial security of single moms, these is the main headache for every single mom.
    Talking about my own mom, she had struggled a lot to get me raised up, after my dad passed away.
    I have seen things in the worst condition, as my mom struggled a lot, to manage funds for my education.

    It’s always hard for single parent, especially the mother, to become financially strong.
    This post is such an Inspiration for me and those who will read it.

    Your advice to single mom’s to get financial secure, indeed is a good thing.
    It could only benefit their own children, before getting moved on to a new relationship.

    Thank you for such a great post to share among us.

    Shantanu sinha

  • Maria Snow says:

    Hi Sylvia, thought I’d pop by and see your latest article. I think it’s a really important article and I’m so glad you touched on all these points. It really gives you something to think about even as a married mom or married woman without kids. If you are relying on your husband’s finances in any way there is a potential weakness there. I remember reading Suze Orman’s book on Women & Money – and she specifically speaks about how when you’re married you need your own account and she makes a very strong case for why you have to have some independence as a married woman as well. I’m sure it’s very easy for us all to slip into a cinderella mentality about getting saved and taken care of. Especially with kids and trying to do it alone, it’s super tough. There is no one there to pick up the slack – no one to help and you have to fill so many roles. I really think it may be the hardest job on earth – being a single mom. So I do not fault someone for wanting to be bailed out by a good guy with a decent job but your article is a good reality check that it’s super important to consider the independence route and make sure you are on stable financial ground and not have your desire for being saved lead you into the wrong arms. As you said, subconsciously it can be too easy to convince yourself everything is wonderful. Great article and gives much food for thought – a great reminder for us ladies!
    Maria

  • Joseph Smith says:

    Hello syviane, you hit it once more. It has been long I check on your inspirational blog – here I am now, to have my cut of your global advice.

    I do read your posts leaving no stone unturned – am not female talk more of being a mum. Lol

    Have a nice day madam.

  • Linjo joson says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    Awesome posts as usual. You dont know how many people you are motivating. I came to see your blog when I saw my friend(who is a single mom) reading your blog. She is a regular reader of this blog, she likes you very much . After all I’ve read many of your articles and have they have made very big impact in my life.

    And yes, I really want to visit Eurorpe, just finished reading this article http://www.sylvianenuccio.com/15-one-reasons-you-should-come-to-europe/

    Keep inspiring Us ,
    Linjo

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Linjo,

      Wow, what a compliment. Thank you so much. I am so glad if I can help you or anyone with my blog. I hope your friend will leave a comment soon unless she already has, but I would love to know her too.

      Thanks for coming and sharing your thoughts.

      ~Sylviane

  • Mary Enstad says:

    Hey Sylviane,
    I accept all of your points. Most of the women’s depend on someone for entire life for finance. Even though they want little money they need to ask her husband. We will need to change this in future. We ask gender equality. Therefore, we should stand ourselves to protect our interest.

    Thanks

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Mary,

      Well, that’s not really the case in the western world as a general rule, for a long time now, but it is the case for any woman who has decided to leave her job to take care of her family, for example.

      Thanks for your feedback.

      ~Sylviane

  • divorce attorney says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    You make a really good post! big thanks for this info. I know that’s financially stable,it’s hard to support a family on a single income. However,before you get engaged with a new partner, as a single mom you wish there were a few things are be cautious about our time,be Patient,dating with a purpose,it rolls off our backs.

    A new survey finds, especially single mothers – are more likely than other family types to experience lack of sleep and sleep-related problems.

    Thanks

  • Miles Snow says:

    Thanks for the info. I really liked the topic you choose. There was a friend of mine who was raised by a single mother. She choose to go to college and get a degree instead of finding a new partner. And now, she is happily married with a nice job.

  • samreen says:

    Girls are avialble for dating.

Comments are closed.