How to Improve Your Emotional Health

Emotional FreedomToday’s post is by Justin Mazza, life coach and blogger.  Few weeks ago Justin accepted to give me an interview on this blog, and now I hope you will enjoy his guest post about emotional health.  So, without further ado, let him tell you about this wonderful subject of emotional health.

Emotions are something every one of you has to deal with on a daily basis. Emotions range from joy to sadness, from rage to ecstasy. Which emotions do you experience on a regular basis?

Emotions are basically an inner guidance system that lets you know when you are allowing yourself to be who you are, and when you are not.

Negative emotions like pessimism and even grief are not really who you are, even though we believe these emotions to be normal reactions to life experiences.

What if I told you that being angry for your spouse leaving you, or that grieving the loss of a loved one are not necessary emotions for you to experience?

I know, we are supposed to cry at weddings and funerals right? Wrong! These responses are nothing more than a pre-programmed reaction that you have in your belief systems.

I know a subject like the death of someone brings up strong feelings in you, and you believe you have a right to feel and express your negative emotions. I completely understand this.

In some cultures around the world they actually celebrate death as they see it as a form of graduation from this dimension of reality to the next. These cultures believe that physical death is not permanent; it is merely a transition from one form to another.

In reality, conscious energy, which is what we really are, never dies.

So the point here is not to talk about death, but to remind you that you have the conscious choice when it comes to your emotional reactions.

Granted, it’s not easy to change course once you become emotional, but what I recommend to my coaching students is that they at least take some time to reflect on their day in the evening, and recall when they reacted to situations negatively.

By doing this they can see what their trigger points are, and they can then make better choices in the future by reprogramming their negative emotional reactions into ones that are at least neutral.

What are Emotions?

Emotions have been described simply as – “Energy in motion,” which would be an accurate description, but rather vague too. I think we are all comfortable and familiar with positive emotions, but many of us can become resentful about negative ones like fear and anger.

Negative emotions occur when we first define the perceived experience – such as losing a job – as negative, and then secondly we resist this perceived experience which, therefore creates a negative emotion.

It’s the resistance to the experience, the resistance to the emotion, and the resistance to the natural self that creates the painful negative emotion. Do you ever see a newborn baby resist crying? No, never, because they do not have any negative beliefs attached to an emotion like crying. But we do, don’t us?

We learned to suppress our negative emotions and we learned to judge/label them as negative too.

Did you see what she just did? Did you see how he just acted?

We’ve been taught to suppress too much of ourselves just for the sake of appearing normal and maintaining the status quo.

This is the number one reason why relationships end because someone is not being allowed to be who they really are. Not only does repressing your emotions affect your relationships, they also affect your health too.

Emotions need to be allowed to flow freely like I said, because if not, you get a blockage in your energy system. Too much blockage will create a backup in your energy system known as Chakras, and when any chakra is backed up for too long, you either gradually shut down or you blow up with a negative emotion.

Either way the energy system has got to flow freely, and if you are in any kind of relationship whether it be a job, a romantic one, or even a friendship, you need to be able to express who you really are at all times without any resistance from you or the other person.

Haven’t you ever noticed that your favorite job or relationships are with those people or places where you can be yourself fully without any worries of negative feedback?

Granted, this doesn’t mean you can become mean, careless or disrespectful to the other person or place. It just means you feel you have a safe place to allow all aspects of yourself to become visible, warts and all.

 I Am an Emotional Person

Yes, yours truly was a very high-strung person for most of his life, and it wasn’t until I decided to take control of my energy that my emotional health completely turned around.

Granted, I am not always “cool” like Fonzie from Happy Days, but I am definitely much more in control of my emotional health than ever before.

How I Took Control of my Emotions

I had to make an honest assessment of my emotional goals and decide what changes I could make to improve my emotional heath.

1- I became a vegetarian last May of 2012. I also decreased artificial foods in my diet and replaced them with whole, natural, and raw foods. Granted, I may chomp on a Boston Cream doughnut from time to time.

2. Yoga and exercise. Every day I do yoga and light stretching in combination with breathing exercises to keep my emotional health intact. I have to do this daily or else I will slide down the emotional scale to a place I don’t want to be.

3. Brainwave entrainment audio program. Last May I was given a free copy of a revolutionary program called the Brain Evolution System. The Brain EV is a program that I use every evening when I am done all my work. I simply sit back in my rocking chair, put on my headphones, and relax, as I listen to the soothing sounds of the music. Brainwave entrainment helps to relax and calm the overactive parts of the brain that contributes to negative emotions.

4. I had to reprogram my mind not to react to unwanted situations in a negative way. Most of life is how we respond to it, and the last thing I want to do is to respond to life in a negative way because I know this will only compound the problem further.

What about you? Do you have systems in place to keep your emotional health intact?

 

40 Comments

  • Justin says:

    Hi Sylviane,
    Thank you very much for publishing my guest post on your blog.I know the topic of emotions is still very much misunderstood by many people. I hope to shed some light on dealing with emotions, understanding the nature of them, and also being able to stay in control of our emotions instead of them controlling us.

    Counting to ten before reacting to a negative situation and taking conscious breaths helps me. 🙂

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Thanks for your guest post Justin,

      I see that some people already have questions you need to answer them. It’s true that it’s a topic still hard to understand for many.

  • Harleena SinghTwitter: harleenas says:

    Welcome Justin to Sylviane’s blog – it sure is nice to have you over 🙂

    Nice topic for discussion, and something that all of us need to pay attention to. Emotions are part of us, and all of us feel the emotions of joy and sorrow. Yes, most of these are our belief’s and something passed down from generations, or we’ve been made to feel that we have to believe so and so emotion at so and so time. That’s why, just as you mentioned, babies are in the purest true form or their emotions.

    I agree about certain cultures celebrating death – we have a few cultures our end too where a large procession is taken out when an elder passes away. Again, because it’s been done for ages – people still believe and carry out the same rituals whether they like it or not. Ah…we have a lot of the chakra studies our end too and they do need to remain open for the positive energy’s to flow right through.

    Suppressing and repressing our emotions changes the real us as we aren’t free to express who and what we are or want. This leads to negatively harming our inner-self more than anything else.I like the things you do for your emotional health- and am glad am a vegetarian too 🙂

    Thanks for sharing this with us. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Harleena,

      I’m sure Justin will be coming around soon, but in the meantime I thought I’ll give my thoughts.

      Yes, a lot of our emotions are just learned, but it’s hard to know what’s real and what’s learned sometimes.

      However, if I lose someone in death my true emotions will be of pain and sadness and it’s not learned, but what I feel because I miss that person. However, I also understand those who think about the fact that the one who has gone as gone to another dimension, and in some level better than we are. But that’s still a touchy subject.

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Harleena.

    • Justin says:

      Wow, great feedback Harleena. For me, emotions were one of those topics that were never talked about openly in my family. They were only addressed when I misbehaved or something.

      I had been studying emotions for over a decade and have only in the past few years understood the important message they carry to us. Emotions are energy as is everything in our world.

      Take care. 🙂

  • AdrienneTwitter: adriennesmith40 says:

    Hey Justin,

    Welcome to Sylviane’s place, good to see you again.

    I’m having a huge problem with this one…grieving the loss of a loved one are not necessary emotions for you to experience. You’ve GOT to be kidding. Now I get what you’re saying about lashing out at people or getting angry but loosing someone and not grieving for them. I’m having an issue with that.

    I get that they are going to a better place and our emotions come from the loss we feel for them no longer physically being here but I’m reverting back to the feelings I had when I lost my Dad and it took me two years to get past those feelings. No amount of changing my diet or exercise would have helped me there.

    Now just yesterday I had an old friend contact me, again, trying to connect with me. I should have known better then respond because she has this way of taking something I say so innocently and making it sound like I’m lashing out at her. It’s the way she perceives it because obviously she’s not a very happy person. Those are the people I no longer wish to be around. They’re energy suckers.

    I get what you’re saying here but I will admit, I don’t totally 100% agree with it all. Interesting share though.

    ~Adrienne
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Adrienne,

      I love your true feeling comment, and while we wait for Justin to give you his thoughts, let me give you mine.

      As I was just telling Harleena above, I do know that they are some learnws emotions, but if I lose someone I dearly love those are my emotions, not learned, I just feel pain and sadness because even though I know that they are OK, I’m still the one who is not OK because I miss them like hell.

      My kitty Tony as you know died back in October 2011, but I still haven’t fully recover from it. I still talk to him everyday, and still cry often a year and a half later. So, I agree with you Adrienne, it’s not easy to lose someone you love.

      On the other hand, I used to think that those who are not sad were weird or devoided of love, but now I kind of understand and accept someone who has different feelings.

      I’m glad you expressed you feelings on that one Adrienne and thank you for coming.

    • Justin says:

      Hi Adrienne,
      The issue you have is contained within your belief systems about physical death and they are yours to carry with you. I didn’t write this post or any post to get anyone to agree with me. These are merely my points of view or observations about life.

      I lost my Mom when I was 23 years old and obviously she did not die of old age. The loss of my Mother was the most painful experience I had ever had in my life. She was the closest person to me ever.

      I no longer grieve her and feel free knowing that indeed she is on another plane of existence living life again to the fullest. You see energy can neither be created nor destroyed as our Sciences teach us.

      Human beings are indeed pure conscious/aware energy that cannot ever cease to exist. Yes, while the physical body dies, the pure conscious energy ( the real you) is eternal.

      I know, the pain is real, and it is by no means easy to handle when someone close to us dies. In the U.S. we are taught to grieve when someone dies and wear black at funerals. That’s our culture.

      My point was, that way of responding to death was taught to us, other cultures in the world don’t react to death this way, yet others do. Life is subjective and we get to choose how we respond to any life event that happens to us.

      Adrienne, you have to stop attracting those energy vampire/parasites to you. You have a “light” about you that will attract darker sorts to you just as moths are attracted to outdoor lights.

      It’s your warmth/light that they are after. Trust your gut when it comes to who you allow into your life. Beware of the energy vampires. Seriously.

      Take Care. 🙂

      • Sylviane Nuccio says:

        Nice discussion you’re having both of you.

        I totally understand that the ridiculous all in black funeral party is all a man made culture “crap”. When my father died my mother was only 38 years old and, yet, she has worn back clothes for 2 years and then shades of gray and purple for another extra year. As I grew up I used to “kindly” make fun of her and made her realized how STUPID that was. I used to tell her that “we” my brother and I had so see our mother wearing black for 2 years while my father didn’t give a darn care about it!

        So, yes, I agree, Justin, that all this is just a culture learned stuff that doesn’t serve us one bit.

        On the other hand. Even if I think and KNOW that my love one is in Nirvana, and ETERNAL, I will still feel sad and cry because I MISS him or her. In this regards I totally understands what Adrienne is talking about. I am the same.

        Thank you guys for this great discussion.

  • Aman Bansal says:

    Such a fabulous collection of views for emotional person like me.I am glad to see this kind of effort to represent emotions and a best possible way to control emotions.
    I hope these ideas will work for me a lot.Thank you for sharing this 🙂

    • justin says:

      Hi Aman,
      Thanks for your kind words my friend. 🙂 Emotions are energy and can often times overwhelm our senses. For sensitive types this can make them feel ungrounded. The best remedy is to keep your thoughts in the present moment and take shelter to recharge your batteries when you can.

  • AdrienneTwitter: adriennesmith40 says:

    I hear what you’re saying here too Justin and I also know the traditions that we all were brought up with. But when my Dad passed away, we didn’t have a funeral. Instead we had a memorial service and we celebrated his life. We didn’t dress in black and it was a depressing service. But it was his physical presense that I had a hard time with and of course the way he left this earth.

    I know what you mean about the darker sources and I’ve learned to have a much brighter outlook on life. It’s been 10 years since my Dad passed so I don’t hold on to that loss by any means. I have a very positive attitude and thank God everyday for all that he’s given me. There are no dark forces or vampires around me. Not anymore.

    Thanks Justin!

    ~Adrienne
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  • justin says:

    The best we can do Adrienne is to stay as positively centered as possible even though that is easier said than done. I can feel your positive vibes when you write or create a video, and your positive energy helps to create a safer, loving place for all of us to live.

    Take care. 🙂

  • Mary StephensonTwitter: maryjstephenson says:

    Hi Justin and Sylviane

    Interesting post. I agree we do suppress how we feel on many levels. We try so hard to react the way everyone expects us to act. It can be extremely hard to be yourself, when you have never let anyone see who you really are. How much do we do when no one is around? Can’t always feel comfortable enough to show all of myself all the time.

    Having lost both parents many years ago, many parts of me have accepted and put to rest that time of my life. I feel neither sorrow or loss, it is just a part of who I was, but it was in 86 and 89, so maybe the time seems so long ago that it holds nothing for me.

    But how I would react for someone else that might die, I am sure it would leave me empty. Depends when, who and what the situation I was left in. I might be crying and even angry. But it is so true, people do have this opinion of how you should react. My brother had a seizure recently and unexplained. I told him I couldn’t come and see him and that I was not ready to make a pact with him to meet on the other side. His reply, “most definitely”. Used to fear death when I was younger and now that I am much older, I realize it is inevitable, and life goes on.

    Great things to think about.

    Mary
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Mary and nice seeing you here.

      No matter how we see death, it’s OK and normal to feel sadness and grief if we do. We feel sadness and grief when someone moves away and he or she is not even dead, because we just miss them.

      What would be wrong is try to feel what we don’t because we’re “suppsed” to.

      That’s my feelings on that anyway.

    • justin says:

      So true Mary. One of the hardest things for people to get is that life ho no inherent meaning. We get to give it meaning whether collectively or individually. I choose to find meanings that empower me, or at least make me feel better about the situation,

      Nice meeting you too.

  • Donna MerrillTwitter: donna_tribe says:

    Thanks Sylviane for having Justin as your guest!

    Justin – I have been working on the emotional Me for a long time! Years ago, my emotions took control of me. I turned everything inward since I was a child due to my unbalanced environment. I had bleeding ulcers at 7 years old and by time I was in my 20’s I was an emotional wreck.
    I had no way of understanding all this until I bumped into a “healer” in the East Village in NYC. From then on it was a learning journey! I must say through this journey of healers, becoming a vegetarian, meditation, prayer and lots of therapy I turned from a victim of my emotions to victor! (Oh I get so happy when I say that lol)
    What I found was hypnosis and DBT (Diadactial Behavior Therapy) helped me more than ever.
    I still keep in check with the emotional me because I just love to grow! So there is my story! One that reflects how important emotions are.
    I thank you Justin for sharing your story and the many ways the emotions are so important in our lives.

    Donna
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Donna,

      I know you came a long way, and that is so great that you can now use your spiritual gift and help others. I’m so glad that you found help to get all that stuff out of you.

      Thank you for coming 🙂

    • Justin says:

      Hi Donna,
      Many children grow up in environments that didn’t support them and created unease in their bodies. Me too, I learned about hypnosis and healing and took that path to keep myself feeling good and healthy.

      The great thing about being an adult is that we choose who we are around. Especially if we work from home. 🙂

      • Donna MerrillTwitter: donna_tribe says:

        Hi Justin and Sylviane!

        Thanks for your wonderful reply. It does take some work to help ourselves, but it is priceless!

        Lots of us have many things in our past that hold us back. Once we realize that, we become emotional victors. It is so great to have breakthroughs in our life to become stronger.

        Donna
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  • Raena Lynn says:

    Hi Sylviane and Justin,

    I’ve been working hard on understanding emotions. I was in a program which taught, “You are not your emotions.” It was the first time I ever heard of that concept, because I had many beliefs which were engrained throughout my lifetime. Most of my work to keep the good ones and get rid of the bad has happened within the last five years.

    Babies are lucky in a way that they can “let it all out” and not suppress their feelings and emotions because culture lessons have not been set yet. Emotions are like a glass of water. If the water represents the emotions, the glass slowly fills. If we empty the glass periodically…or process our emotions…we keep our emotional health intact and balanced. When we don’t process, the water eventually overflows, so it is a great analogy to tears, although the overflow can be any emotion.

    I have a much better understanding of emotions and when I get to an “emotional state” I just accept that I either need to cry, or get angry, or experience whatever emotion needs to be “emptied.” Emotional health is something I think most people ignore or do not understand they have the power to regulate them.

    Your four ways to control your emotions are helpful. Nutrition has so much to do with how we respond to situations that happen during our day. For me, if I am not eating healthy, emotionally I will go up and down…not a lot of balance. Eliminating chemicals helps a great deal. I don’t like yoga, but I exercise and I know there is a great emotional benefit from regular exercise. I also like the idea of brainwave entertainment and reprogramming. If I feel emotions coming on, whatever they may be, I stop and do my best to understand their source. Once I am aware, rather than going crazy with anger or fear…I can be much calmer in most situations. I can relate to what you are sharing Justin. Thank you very much..

    Raena Lynn

    PS Once I understood emotions, I am less judgmental of others when they are angry, fearful, or joyful. It’s easier for me not to take things personally. I know that their emotions usually do not have anything to do with me, which prevents unnecessary stress.

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Raena,

      Nice to see you here again 🙂

      Yes, Iike you the time I heard the concept of “we are not our emotions” I really liked that. It resonate with me immediately. It kind of freed me.

      On the other hand, those who are taught by culture to refrain from expressing the emotions going through their body are not doing well, so to speak. For example, in a lot of cultures all over the world you still hear stuff like “men don’t cry”. Which is of course totally stupid, and not healthy.

      I like your analogy of the glass of water. If you need to cry, but can’t because you were taught “men don’t cry”, you’re actually busting like a plugged hose. Not a good thing, is it?

      I remember when I cried if I was upset when I was little my mother used to say, cry it’s good for you. So, I’m a huge crier to this day LOL! When I do I always feel better after. No need to keep this in.

      Thank you for you great comment 🙂

    • Justin says:

      Hi Raena,
      When I was a child I learned that expressing emotions would get me in trouble so I repressed them which made things worse. When I am feeling emotional now I let them out. I have to or I will get sick.

      It would be great if there was a place that people could go to where they could safely express their emotions in a safe environment.

  • Lisa Magoulas says:

    Hi Justin,
    Thank you for your guest post on Sylviane’s blog. I always wonder why people react the way they do to certain circumstances. Especially those that they have no control over. I like the way you put things into perspective. I also like how you tell your students to reflect on their day and how they reacted to certain situations. I’m going to put that into daily practice. I always want to improve myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. By studying myself on a daily basis, I can learn what needs to be changed. Thank you for the wonderful insight.

    • Justin says:

      Thank you Lisa. Often times we react to situations or events without really giving it enough time to “think it over.” We can re-train ourselves via the subconscious mind to calmly respond to life situations instead of “flying off the handle.”

      Reflection time is great because often times we are not always fully present in the moment when we are going through our day to day lives. Sitting back and reflecting allows for us to see how we responded to people and events and gives us the opportunity to either congratulate ourselves for handling ourselves well, or to choose a more appropriate response the next time.

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Lisa, and thanks for coming here.

      I think it’s always a good thing to stop and think. To come out of ourself “so to speak” and “look at ourself” like we would another person. This way we can better determine what needs to be changed.

  • Amy Hagerup says:

    Justin, that was great. I especially loved the definition you gave: that emotion is energy in motion. Love that! I’m big into the importance of our thinking too. Thanks for this.

    • Justin says:

      Glad you liked it Amy. Everything is energy moving including our emotions. Many sensitive types or empaths have a really hard time feeling their emotional energy. I recently took a chakra healing course that really helped me to be able to move the emotions through me so they don’t get “stuck” in there.

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Amy,

      I’m glad you found your way over here to enjoy Justin’s post.

      Thanks for coming and hope to see you again soon.

  • MayuraTwitter: MayuraDeSilva says:

    Hi Justin,

    Nice to see you here again 🙂

    Now that’s open up more discussions. I’ve been reading comments here and how different cultures we have. In US they wear black at funerals and here we wear white. Even Christians live in my country 🙂

    We are too much dependent and emotional creatures. Our attachment into others’ lives make us too much dependent. I think it’s very deep to understand Justin. Me? Oh no, I’m just exploring about it. Emotions come in that way. Sometimes we can’t feel what’s right or wrong until we don’t let emotions interfere us. May be we never let it happen in our lifetime.

    Anyone wanna detach links to dependencies in life would do it instead of talking about ’em 😀 lol… But taking control would be a better option for us. Like you did for yourself, they are achievements. Last time you mentioned about creating a list and following what we really need to change in our life. I’m on it 😉

    I’m not used to express my emotions much Justin 🙂 I couldn’t. I had to go with silence and patience most of the time. Even talking about myself is felt like something unwanted. But once Sylviane encouraged me and said there’s nothing wrong at all. When I hang out with such positive people and who accept me for who I am, I’m encouraged as you mentioned in the post. I’m grateful for having people like ’em in my life 🙂

    Have a wonderful week with full of positive energy for both of you, Justin and Sylviane 🙂

    Cheers…
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    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Mayura and sorry for this late, late response. This cazy blog has a mind of its own and just won’t publish comments until I go in and do it manually. Go figure!

      I’m glad that you enjoyed this type of posts and try to apply what you learn. Way to go Mayura. So many people haven’t even got to that point yet.

      As always I appreciate your comment 🙂

    • justin says:

      Hi Mayura,
      Wow, great feedback my friend. Emotions exist on the subconscious level of us and cannot be rationalized, The reptilian part of the brain or R complex controls our emotions and until we can get a handle on our reptilian brain, we will remain a reactive, emotional person.

      Granted the reptilian brain has it’s purpose which is survival, but many people tend to be held captive by its quick, over-reactions to situations.

      Take care my friend and have a great day! 🙂

  • DeeAnn Rice says:

    Justin,

    I really think that emotional health is something that we all need to take care of.

    I am a positive person most of the time. I work at being more positive.

    Getting hung up in the negative is really bad. The more negative you are the more negative you become. It seems like it just engulfs everything eventually.

    I don’t know how to describe what I do to be positive but I think when I spend more time in prayer it helps a lot.

    This post really made me think.

    Dee Ann

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi DeeAnn,

      You are so right, negativity tends to snowball and that’s totally understandable as it falls under the law of attraction. like attract like.

      That’s why being positive is so important if we want to get ahead in life. Yes, prayer works no doubt 🙂

    • Justin says:

      Hi Dee Ann. I agree that prayer works because it grounds and connects us to ourselves and keeps us in the present moment. We live in a world that over-uses the conscious mind when we forget that our spirit energy is what truly matters.

      The mind has a tendency to live in the past or fret about the future when it would be better used to remember how lucky we are to be alive and to get to experience this wonderful creation called life. 🙂

  • Dan says:

    The concept of emotional health doesn’t seem to be very popular among people. First of all, in order to have a balanced, good life you need to be emotionally healthy. Unable to understand or control your emotions will lead to chaos. The article contains some pretty interesting information regarding the topic.

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Dan,

      I agree, in order to lead a balanced life we need to be emotionally healthy. It’s as important as being physically and mentally healthy.

      Thanks for your feedback

    • Justin says:

      Hi Dan,
      Thanks for your feedback my friend. I believe the reason emotions are not very popular is because we still don’t completely understand them. I guess it’s easier to ignore them or not talk about them rather then address them head on.

      Take Care. 🙂

  • Arianne says:

    Emotions are definitely unpredictable and I hate to say it but we women are the most unpredictable and most moody of them all thanks to our insane hormones. It really helps reading your perspective on emotions and all. Thanks for sharing your insight.

    • Justin says:

      Hi Arianne,
      I think the key is to become aware of how we are feeling so we don’t let those negative emotions get out of hand.

      Take Care.

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