Rape Drugs And Prostitution – One Blogger’s Journey To Success

A Story Of Rape Recovery And Success

 

You may have thought that my guest today would fit my writing category, but the reason she she’s here on my personal development section is because she’s got an incredible story to share that could be so inspiring for many of you.

She agreed to share it on exclusivity on my blog.

So, before I let her tell you her story here is my custom quote for her…

Take a strong talented woman who’s been through hell and back with success at the end of the tunel, and you get Lorraine Reguly!

 

My life has not always been easy.

Nor has it always been pleasant.

Instead, it’s been filled with a lot of struggles, obstacles, and pain.

Some of it might have been my own fault but a lot of it was not. I know that now.

Pinpointing where it first went wrong is easy.

I was 14. And a virgin. And I was raped by a man over twice my age.

 

Rape Changes Everything

I was brought up in a fairly strict Catholic family, and I was taught to save my virginity for the man I was to marry, whoever he might be.

That choice was taken away from me in June 1985, two months before my 15th birthday, when I had a fight with my father, and ended up running away from home, jumping out my bedroom window to do so. I had an exam the next day, and so I packed my study notes in the biggest purse I owned, along with my make-up and other personal belongings. I didn’t intend stay gone forever, but I also had no clear-cut plan for the upcoming days either.

After exiting my window, I threw my purse to the ground and shimmied my way to the edge of the roof. Carefully maneuvering my body so that was only holding onto the rooftop with my hands, I took a deep breath and let my body go limp as I let go. I landed in a heap, unscathed.

I gathered myself and my purse and ran for all I was worth, down the block, towards Winston Hall, the apartment building where a few of my friends lived – and also where my mother was working, in the variety store in the basement, which she owned.

I ended up at Brian’s house. I was friends with both Brian and his younger brother, Paul.

Brian, I learned, had plans to spend the night at one of his friends’ house, camping in tent in the back yard. I asked if I could join them, and did. His friend – I can’t for the life of me recall his name – lived near a cemetery that was on a bus route, so I’d be able to catch the bus to school the next morning to write my exam. All was going well until the boys were caught with a girl in the tent . . . and I was forced to leave the property.

It was about eleven o’clock, extremely dark, and I had nowhere to go. I had little money and bus pass, but the bus on that route had stopped running.

I dug around in my purse, found my phone book, and called an older friend — Lorne — of an older friend — Debbie — whom I had met at Debbie’s apartment. He had given me his number and told me to call him sometime.

I phoned from the pay phone near the bus stop and explained my plight. He was in bed and didn’t feel like driving across the city to pick me up, so he instructed me to take a taxi to his place. He said he’d pay for the cab, too, and also give me a ride to school the next day.

I thought I was saved!

I was wrong. Boy, was I ever wrong.

When I got to Lorne’s house on Clayte Street, he paid the fare, as promised, then led me downstairs to his bachelor pad, where two large dogs greeted me. It consisted of a bathroom, a tiny kitchen nook, and a living room separated by a half-wall divider from a space that held his double bed and a couple of dressers. Even though it was nearly summertime, it was cold in the basement. The dogs didn’t seem very friendly, either. Perhaps they sensed I feared them. I’ve never liked big dogs, only small ones.

After noticing a couple of cushions on the couch, I asked for blanket, intending on hunkering down in the living room for the night. Lorne insisted I sleep in the bed with him. I didn’t want to, but he claimed not to have an extra comforter, and was adamant that there was enough room in the bed for both of us.

Feeling indebted to him, I complied, thinking we were simply going to get some shut-eye.

After getting settled, I tried to sleep, but it eluded me. It was hard to fall asleep in a strange place, in a strange bed, with a man who was practically a stranger to me. Debbie had refused to house me for the night, not wanting to jeopardize the future – I was her babysitter but I thought we were friends, too. Because of our friendship, I trusted Lorne.

Big mistake.

I found that out during the next hour.

First, I felt hands on my body. Then, a husky voice in my ear, as Lorne pulled me closer to him. Then kisses on my neck and face, searching out my lips.

Disgusted, I pushed him away. I protested his advances. I told him I was a virgin. He didn’t care. If anything, that turned him on even more.

He kept at me, and forced me into submission. I fought him every step of the way, but I wasn’t strong enough to protect myself. He covered my mouth with one of his hands as he disrobed me with the other, using the weight from his torso and legs as leverage.

He tried to make me give him oral sex. I’d never done that before. Heck, the only thing I had done up to that point was kiss a boy! I nearly threw up.

I was in tears, crying, as it dawned on me what began happening next. I was not only losing my virginity, but I was being raped, forced into intercourse against my will. I felt pain . . . and wetness, which I later discovered in the bathroom was blood from having my vagina ripped open.

Throughout most of the rape, I struggled, protested, and cried. I grew tired of fighting him and began praying for the whole ordeal to be over. Eventually, it was. Physically. Mentally, I was scarred for life.

 

Rape Replay

That evening has replayed itself over and over in my mind for years.

I will never forget that night as long as live, no matter how much I try to. And, trust me, I’ve tried.

I often wonder:

*What if I fought harder?

*What if I protested more?

*What if I didn’t run away from home in the first place? How would my life be different?

There are a lot of “What ifs.” Unfortunately, I’ll never know an alternate outcome.

 

Rape Shapes Your Future

Being raped changed my entire life. I no longer thought sex was the ultimate joy two people could share. My focus was lost, and I became severely depressed. I tried to commit suicide, but failed. I ended up quitting high school four times, each semester for two consecutive years.

I turned to drugs and promiscuity. These were my coping mechanisms. At age 16, I found a boyfriend, who was an alcoholic. I ended up pregnant.

I told my mom, too. I also told her I was considering having an abortion.

My mom then told me a story about Maureen. She dated one of my uncles, and I loved her dearly. I wanted her to become my aunt, too, but she got pregnant and had an abortion at my uncle’s behest. Ultimately, she married someone else. They wanted kids of their own. Because of what my uncle forced Maureen to do, however, she became unable to bear children. My mom explained that this was a risk I was going to be taking if I had an abortion.

I didn’t care. I never wanted kids anyway. Well, not totally true — I wanted twin girls. But what were the chances of that happening?

So I went ahead with the abortion. The day I had it was the happiest day of my life.

The guilt came later, and I often wonder if I killed not one but two babies.

Given Maureen’s experience, I didn’t think I’d ever get pregnant again.

When I was 17, I learned I was pregnant again. I decided to keep my half-Spanish baby. All I could think about was Maureen and how unfair it was that she couldn’t have a baby, but I could.

My son, Julian, made me grow up — fast!

 

Motherhood Changed Me Yet Again

When I had my son I was living on welfare. I wanted a better life for us than that, so I returned to school.

I graduated high school from a special program for single mothers, and earned numerous awards and scholarships. I was also accepted into the program of my choice and then attended university for 5 years, obtaining a B.A. and a B.Ed. (Bachelor of Arts and a Bachelor of Education).

I moved away to work, and taught high school for three-and-a-half years. I was unhappy with my life, so I resigned and moved back to my hometown, returning to prostitution, which paid better than teaching did.

Two years later, I was then in an accident in which I nearly lost my right leg. I had major surgery to save it. Unfortunately, the accident caused my leg to become slightly deformed, and it will remain that way for the rest of my life.

I was already in a major depression, and this only added to my grief.

My suicidal thoughts returned. I was hospitalized for three long weeks. I was such a wreck that my son moved out and disowned me. For 3 long years we didn’t speak or see one another. During the first year, I used drugs again as my coping mechanism, and I ended up smoking crack for ten months. Losing my son was worse than being raped!

Yeah, my life has been rough. Like I said before, some of it was my fault, some of it was not.

I could’ve made better choices. I could’ve been a better mom. I could’ve done things differently.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

 

Getting It Together

In 2011, I got my shit together after one of my close friends moved away.

I stopped doing drugs.

I stopped hooking.

I started spending time with my parents.

My life was back on track.

I was no longer taking prescription medication for my bipolar disease, either. I didn’t need it. Getting off the drugs made that much better!

 

An Illness Re-unites Me and my Son

Then, one day, I got REALLY sick. I threw up for about twelve hours. The next day, my stomach hurt, but I thought it was from puking so much. By the following morning, I was in excruciating pain. I couldn’t get comfortable. I could barely move. It felt like I was dying.

The pain I felt was worse than being raped. It was more painful than my leg surgery. It was worse than losing my son. I didn’t know what was wrong, so I called 911, and was brought to the hospital.

After ten hours of testing, the three doctors I saw couldn’t find anything wrong.

Finally, they determined my appendix had burst, and I was rushed into surgery after being given the option of taking antibiotics and being sent home!

The doctor warned me she might have to cut me wide open. I instructed her to do whatever she had to do to save my life.

I spent six days in the hospital, and had an epiphany while there, after speaking with a 76-year-old lady, who was my “roomie” for two days.

I didn’t want my life to end. I wanted it to begin!

Most of all, I didn’t want to die without saying “goodbye” to my son.

So I hunted him down. I found out where he worked (he was still in the same city, thank God!), and I wrote him a letter.

He didn’t reply. After a month of waiting, I called him.

That phone call was tough, but it was a start. It lasted forty-five minutes. He wasn’t convinced I had changed, but he gave me the benefit of the doubt, and we talked every couple of weeks from then on.

Then we met for dinner. We became closer and closer again.

This re-connection process began in October of 2012.

 

How My Son Prompted Me to Succeed

In December, I asked him what he wanted for Christmas.

He told me to take that money and buy myself something I needed. So, even though I bought him several gifts, I also picked one up for myself: a book called The Writer’s Market.

(I had written a book in university and my prof encouraged me to publish it.)

In January 2013, I began a free blog, to get my name out there. I discovered I love blogging. Some of my early blog posts hit the number one spot on Google Search. I then learned about SEO, and how to be a better blogger. I even wrote an e-book, 20 Blog Post Must-Haves. Then I learned about self-publishing. I began earning money by freelancing, too.

In February 2014, Wording Well (my freelancing writing and editing business) was born. In June 2014, I independently published a book of short stories dealing with topics of identity, drugs, abuse, friendship and death — Risky Issues.

I’m currently working on Letters to Julian, and have already begun my autobiography.

I am living proof that you can go through hell several times over and still come out on top. All it takes is commitment to change, a bit of hard work, and persistence to succeed.

Now, clients seek me out. Bloggers want to feature me. I’m viewed as inspirational. My name is out there. Because I’ve learned so many new skills, I’ve added more services to my list, too!

And my son is proud of his mom once again.

57 Comments

  • Harleena SinghTwitter: harleenas says:

    Hi Lorraine, and welcome to Sylviane’s blog 🙂

    So good to see you on the other side this time, with such a wonderful post (more of your life journey), so very different from the guest post you wrote for me – touching one indeed 🙂

    My goodness! You’ve been through such a lot Lorraine, and at that young an age…I have no words to express all that I am feeling, almost like I am living those moments of pain with you. But yes, the person who goes through it all knows what it’s all about, and words can never comfort at such times.

    You are right, such memories can never be removed, no matter how hard you try. One reads so much about rape and the trauma one goes through, mentally more than anything and it lives on through years. Wonder if Lorne was punished in some way, which I doubt, and what about Julian’s father?

    I know perhaps you’d have had thoughts even about if you should’ve left your fathers house, was the fight so bad, or should you have returned etc. But again, those are all if’s, should’s, and what has to happen – did happen and there is nothing one can do about it.

    Yes, rape does shape your future, especially in cases when the victim is so young and vulnerable, like you were at that age. I don’t blame you at all for all that you did, and I think anyone going through so much might have done such things or taken decisions that were perhaps not the right ones, because mentally you are still dealing with the past trauma.

    If things weren’t enough…abortion..prostitution..which perhaps was a way to take care of Julian and yourself as that was another responsibility for you. I read about the drugs and his hate for you in one of your blog posts I think, though glad things became alright later, after your letter and call to him – I still remember that beautiful letter you’d written to your son (on your blog)

    You’ve gone through such a lot, and I can just marvel at your journey through life, and all those moments….and look at your now! Yes, you are an inspiration to many, handling all your blogs, editing, writing, and making a name for yourself. I loved the lines (quote) used by Sylviane used right on top for you – so apt!

    Of course, your son would be mighty proud of a mom like you, and once he matures – I am sure he’d understand your struggles and journey even better, which I know you’d be sharing through your letters to him. God Bless 🙂

    Thanks for sharing your journey with us, Lorraine, which I know wouldn’t have been easy doing, as you come out in the open with it and it’s literally living those moments once again – hat’s off to you my friend. And I am so glad you featured her this time Sylviane – the perfect guest for your personal development niche.
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    • Hi Harleena,

      Thank you for your wonderful comment for Lorraine here.

      I think that rape is the WORST act that can be afflicted on someone besides murder, that’s why it’s a serious offence punished with years of prison. In the case of Lorraine it happened to her at such a young age, that it makes it even more terrible.

      I’m so glad she came through, though, and I hope her story will encourage my readers.

      Thanks for coming.

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Harleena, thanks for visiting, reading, and empathizing with me.

      I actually took Lorne to court, years after he raped me. It was basically a “he said, she said” situation, and MY friend Debbie got up and took the stand AGAINST ME. She was sleeping with my rapist, and so took his side. I felt betrayed all over again, and the outcome was that he was found “not guilty.” UGH. But I did find some semblance of closure nonetheless. Seeing him sweat bullets as he faced the very real possibility of going to prison helped! His parents were there, too, and they also were worried. I liked knowing that I was the one who was screwing up his life, for a change. Twisted, maybe, but not as twisted as some of the thoughts I had for a few years following my rape. I dreamed of torturing the bastard.

      Regarding my son’s father… well, we don’t have enough time or space here for me to share my story about HIM. Put it this way: He was a true phony. We lived together and he ended up being abusive towards both Julian and me. Suffice it to say, I kicked him out of our lives and our apartment. I’ve not heard from him for about 22 years, thank God.

      Yeah, I’ve had a rough life, but I’m proud of what I’ve achieved now. And I know Julian is proud of me again, which, really, is the only thing that matters.

      I appreciate that you’ve remembered how much he means to me, and that the letter I shared on my blog already truly made an impact on you. I can’t believe you remembered it! 🙂 Thank you, Harleena. Your support means a lot!

      Thanks, too, Sylviane, for having me on your blog and allowing me to share my story. I’m sure others will take a lesson from me… whatever that lesson may be. I know it’ll be different for each person.

      I consider myself blessed to have such wonderful online friends, now, too. Thanks again for caring, for sharing, and for being there!

      • Harleena SinghTwitter: harleenas says:

        That is SO terrible! Just to realize that your best friend was doing this behind your back!

        Hmm…I understand what you mean about Julian’s father and perhaps was the best for both of you, at that time as you felt, and thus the action you took.

        Of course Lorraine, I remember your letter as it was such a touching one, heartfelt one in fact, pouring your love for your son.

        Thanks for being an inspiration to many, and brave enough to come out in the open with your story – I know not many would do it. I guess that’s what makes us proud to have you as our friend 🙂

        BTW – Sylviane, I didn’t get the replies to my comment for this post, not yours, nor Lorraine’s, and I just thought to check out this post, and then saw my comment was replied. Perhaps you need to check the plugin- or is it just me?! 🙂
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        • Lorraine Reguly says:

          Harleena, I didn’t get notified, either!

          Just noticed today, as I had someone mention the quality of the comments left for me on this post, so I stopped by again to see what she meant.
          Just noticed you left this comment, too.

          And yeah, my so-called friend ended up not being a very good friend at all. 🙁

          The selfish bitch.

          Anyway, I’m over it now.

          Thank God.
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  • Adeel Sami says:

    Hello Lorraine,

    I was saddened to read the first half of the experiences you went through.. Still I have my eyes watered..

    But, I am more glad, more than glad you’re back to the life after all these experiences! You’re no more sad but happy person to help others! Very glad of your reconnection with your son! He is lucky to have you as mom!

    I appreciate you! And I thank Sylviane because of her, I met with another great person who is a true inspiration to everyone who faced the similar or even some other severe obstacles throughout their lives.

    Never underestimate your inner power, you can really turn the meaning of your own life all by yourself.

    ~ Adeel Sami

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Adeel, you’re right — part of my story is sad, but part of it is happy, too, and now I’m doing something I really love, which is helping others.

      Each person who reads my story will take away something different, but the one thing I hope everyone realizes is that YOUR PAST DOESN’T MATTER.

      It is what you do TODAY that counts!

    • Hi Adeel,

      I’m so glad that Lorraine could share her story here at my home, and I am so sure that this story will go around and help many.

      You seem like a very sweet man, and I’m glad you came and read this, and get to know Lorraine.

      Thank you for your visit.

  • Donna MerrillTwitter: donna_tribe says:

    Hi Lorraine,

    So great seeing you here on Sylviane’s blog. I think the subtitle of this should be “Warning, read with a tissue” I cried most of the way because you touched my heart. I felt like I was reading Maya Angelou’s book “I know why the caged bird sings” – cried through that one too.

    Sharing your story is an inspiration of how we can loose our way in life but then regain the purpose of living. This is one of the most wonderful ways we can have a positive effect on others.

    I was a “battered woman” in the past, and gave some lectures working with the shelter. As I was on stage, I noticed people leaving (days before cell phones) I was so nervous, but then realized they were running to the pay phones to get help.

    You are so powerful and turned from victim to victor! Many thanks for the courage to share your story. I so appreciate it and will share it. Because one never knows who is out there that needs to know they are not alone in their pain.

    Blessings,

    -Donna
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    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Donna, I can say the same for your comment! LOLWTIME (Laughing out loud with tears in my eyes.)

      I’m so sorry to hear that you were hurt before… and I applaud you for having the courage to speak out about it, especially to others. What an impact you’ve had! Wonderful!

      Many people tend to live in fear, unneccessarily. They fear being judged, they fear no one will care, they fear they won’t get the help the need, etc. By speaking out, we lead through example, and show them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

      I wish more battered men and women would realize there IS hope!

      I also agree with you — no one should have go it alone. So thanks for sharing; you never know who this might help!

    • Hi Donna,

      Aw, you sweetheart, I’m not surprised that you cried, because you are a lot like me, we are both super sensitive, I think.

      Yeah, Lorraine, you and I could start our own little group together, I guess. LOL! I was mistreated by both my ex-husbands and an ex-boyfriend as well, but thankfully all of that is all over for the three of us, because we are different people now.

      In a way that’s what makes us the strong women we are now.

      Thanks for coming Donna and for sharing too.

      • Lorraine Reguly says:

        Sylviane, I’m sorry to hear of your mistreatment, too. Geez. What is wrong some men?

        The good thing, however, is that we are stronger now. And hopefully, by sharing our stories of our struggles, we empower others to share and make changes to their lives, too!

        • Thanks Lorraine,

          Yes, I was the queen at attracting violent tendency males, but I know now that it all started when I was bullied in school as a child, form age 4 to 15 to be exact, so I had developed a subconscious programming for attracting violent behaviors against me.

          This is the short explanation. But now I know EXACTLY why I had violent men in my life thanks to my personal development studies, that’s why I can help my clients big time with that now 🙂

          • Lorraine Reguly says:

            It’s great that you’ve learned so much about yourself, Sylviane! I was bullied in grade school, too, for being overweight and wearing glasses. Gosh, kids can be soooo cruel, can’t they?

          • Yes, kids can be very cruel, but I found that there are two types of kids that become bullies and they are the ones that are not happy at home, or the ones who carry on the cruelty of their own parents.

            Happy, well adjust kids whose parents are good people, rarely would become bullies.

            I was skinny, pretty and always dressed my tailor mother (that’s why I was chosen to be kid to offer the flower bouquet when a prim mister came visit the village I grew up in when I was 8), so I wasn’t bullied because I had anything anyone could have made fun of, but I was bullied by envious unhappy kids.

            The problem I had though, is I didn’t know how to defend myself. I was very fearful and weak even though my mother used to tell me, kick them, beat them, kill them, do whatever you have to 🙂 She was trying to put that courage in me which I didn’t have. But it never worked.

            So, what did that do to me as an adult? I used to be very aggressive with my tongue, and didn’t take criticism well at all. I used to take it so very personal, and still have to fight that on a regular basis. (What I mentioned to you on that last message on facebook! Really, really had to try hard not to take it personal).

            I cooled way down on my aggressiveness and got better about taking things too personal, but still need to watch it 🙂 Bullying is VERY BAD.

  • Mi MubaTwitter: BAMoneyBlogger says:

    Hi Lorraine and Sylviane

    So great to see you here Lorraine with a very painful story of your life but its positive aspect is its happy ending that shows how you stood up against the all odds and finally reborn the real being from within you to turn over a new life.

    The things happened to you are really painful and their repetition is more painful but our positive mindset calls for believing in the fact that whatever happens to us, it actually happens for the great good ultimately.

    A girl can forget everything but can never forget the trauma and pain she suffered due to any kind of physical, mental and emotional excesses done to her either openly or coated in so called love or affection.

    Finally you became an awesome writer and your writing, your thoughts and your views all reflect the sound reasoning that you got it after going through so many ups and downs in your life. It means every symbol of perfection has to go through several good and bad processes to become the best in her or his field.

    One point in your story really shocked me when you mentioned prostitution was higher paid profession than the teaching. What a tragedy it is that a profession that lays the foundation of next generation is low paid and another profession that offers pleasure for awhile is highly paid.

    One positive aspect I noted is that you belong to a society where you at least can share about everything happened to you in your life. Here in eastern part of the world thousands and even millions of girls are raped or semi-raped but refuse to admit something was ever happened to them because of the double standard prevailing here. People do hate the offence of rape but don’t treat a raped girl normally and even try to avoid their relationship with such girl.

    Thanks a lot Sylviane for featuring her on your blog and letting us read her story of courage and valor.
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    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Mi Muba,

      It’s sad that different societies in others parts of the world treat women that way, shunning them and calling them “outcasts.” That breaks my heart. Females should have a bigger voice, and be accepted regardless of the pain they’ve endured. I suppose I’m lucky that I live in Canada. In Canada and the United States of America, people are more open nowadays than they ever used to be, and women are more liberated than ever before. In fact, gay marriage is now being accepted by more and more states, and is also legal in Canada. This shows you just how far we’ve come as a society.

      With respect to prostitution being more lucrative than teaching, yeah, that’s kinda sad, too. I know that when I quit teaching, I made more in two weeks than I did all month teaching. Pretty shocking, but true. Plus, there was less stress, I could work my own hours, and some of it was even enjoyable, especially the compliments I’d get.

      The oldest profession in the world, however, did nothing to advance me professionally, and I was not respected. Of course, there were some bad experiences I endured during that period of my life, too, like the time I was thrown out of a truck into the cement street. Getting injured and having my skin scraped from the rocks and cement was definitely not fun.

      I’m so glad my life is different now!

      Thanks for your comment and for sharing your outlook on this. Perhaps women in your area of the world can take a lesson from the women who have commented on this post so far… and SPEAK UP!

    • Hi Mi,

      I think that I had missed your comment until now, But that’s OK too, since this is Lorraine’s post, but wanted to say hello still.

      I’m glad you came and read this incredible story of hers, and how she beat the odds and changed her life. This is a very inspiring story for many.

      Have a wonderful day.

  • AdrienneTwitter: adriennesmith40 says:

    Hi Lorraine,

    Your story is very appropriate for Sylviane’s personal development section. If your story doesn’t prove to people that their lives can definitely change then I think they just don’t want it for themselves.

    I’ve heard part of your story and I can’t even imagine the horror you had to go through. I would have been too afraid to run away in the first place but the turn of events that followed changed your life forever. I’m so sorry you had to go through that to begin with but I’m glad you’re here today sharing your story with Sylviane’s readers.

    Rape is one of the most horrible things that can ever happen to a woman let alone a child. I have heard that it alters people’s lives entirely and to know that your rapist was never convicted is even worse. I remember hearing how that all played out and I would probably want him to suffer as well. The way I look at that now though is he probably is in his own way. I mean what kind of low life does that anyway! Someone with a positive outlook and a great life? I don’t think so, he’s probably in his own hell as he should be.

    I hate though that you had to go through any of that and lose your relationship with your son over the years that you did. The good news is though, look at you now. You are able to share your story with others, help them know they can get through anything and now able to write and make a living doing that as well. Things can work out for the best.

    Thanks for sharing this with us and great choice for a guest Sylviane.

    ~Adrienne
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    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Adrienne, thanks for stopping by to comment.

      I know you’ve learned a lot about me already over the past year, and so I know that some of what I revealed didn’t come as too much of a shock.

      Yes, rape definitely shapes one’s future. It affected me greatly, and caused my life to include things that otherwise would’ve been left out. I was always a smart kid in school, and was valedictorian in Grade 8. I planned on being successful. I planned on marrying a teacher, too.

      But life doesn’t always work out as planned.

      Rape made me feel ashamed of myself. It destroyed me for a long time, too. I’ve been much better the last few years, ever since I started writing about it, speaking out about it, and really dealing with my past.

      But there’ve been drawbacks, too, and I’ve mentioned them in a guest post called Coping With Unexpected Emotions When Writing Painful Memoirs, on Wrote by Rote.

      Nope, my life is not always easy. But it’s mine. I own it. And I’m now proud of it, despite the negatives in it. I’ve learned that I can overcome all the bad stuff and move forward despite my past. I’ve also learned that others can learn from my experiences to make changes in their own lives.

      That’s what’s really important now — helping others and getting them to talk about their lives. That’s one of the reasons why I wrote Risky Issues — so that children and tees can bring up these subjects in a safe way without feeling scared, lost, or alone.

      I just learned today that my local library wants to stock Risky Issues (my collection of short stories), too! YAY!

    • Hi Adrienne,

      Well, when I learned of this story I knew right away that I was going to ask Lorraine to share it here and she said yes, so I was thrilled.

      I’m a firm believer, now more than ever, that everything happens for a reason for us to grow, it’s just sometimes those things are TOUGH and it was for Lorraine.

      I’m so proud of her that she made it through, and will be able to help many women out there. I am honored to be one humble channel here 🙂

      Thanks for coming my dear friend.

  • Don PurdumTwitter: unveiltheweb says:

    Hi Lorraine,

    Thank you for being strong and courageous and sharing your story so openly! What a gift you are to the world. I can’t imagine what you went through; but I’m excited you’re here, showing up and making a difference.

    We all go through out own thing; and yours is a great testament and I know there are many, many women who need to hear your story. There are many living in that world of pain right now just looking for a little hope and an opportunity and there you are to be a shining example that it’s possible to make it!!!!

    I’m honored to know you, will be praying for you continually, and I’m excited for your future. If I can help with anything, please let me know!!!

    ~ Don Purdum
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    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Don, I appreciate your comment and your prayers. You are very kind!

      There are tons of women who are too afraid to speak about what they’ve endured. I know that my story, too, could be a lot worse. Some women are raped and tortured daily, like the women Ariel Castro held captive for years. I’ve not yet read FINDING ME by Michelle Knight, but it’s on my list of books to read. I have, however, seen her on the Dr. Phil show, speaking out about what happened to her during that dark period of her life. It’s wonderful that she’s now living a healthy life, and pursuing her dreams of becoming a chef. I just hope she gets to see her son on regular basis. I know firsthand how painful not having contact with your only son can be.

      I appreciate you sharing this on Facebook, too, Don. I’m sure Sylviane does, as well! 😉

      Thanks again for your comment!

    • Thanks for coming Don, it’s my hope that Lorraine’s story will indeed help whoever will be drawn to this post.

      Thanks for coming.

  • Corina RamosTwitter: notnowmomsbusy says:

    Hello Lorraine,

    I am so sorry you had to endure such hell, but bravo for you that you didn’t let it break you.

    I’m so glad you and your son are rebuilding your relationship. My oldest son and I were separated until he was 18 years old. We’ve gotten closer but I missed his growing up.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope the right pair of eyes reads this to give them the motivation and encouragment they need to overcome their hell.

    Nice to meet you. I wish you all the best!
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    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Corina, I decided one day that my rapist was not going to win. Had I been successful at committing suicide, he would have. Never again will I give him any power.

      I’m soooo sorry to hear that you and your son lost so many years! The good news is that you are in contact with him now, and that is what you should focus on. Finding the positive in a world of negatives is hard, but it’s totally possible, and I’m pleased to see that you’re doing just that.

      Rebuilding takes time, though. Remember that.

      And of course, best of luck to you!

    • Thanks for coming Corina,

      I’m sure Lorraine’s story can help many.

      Thanks for coming.

  • Mitch Mitchell says:

    Wow, what a powerful story Lorraine. I found myself wanting to crawl through the internet just to give you a hug. You’ve been through so much and you’ve found your voice and overcome it all; you’ve changed your life. I tell people all the time that every day is a new chance to start again; you prove that.

    Thank you for your brave story and your miraculous metamorphosis!
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    • Hi Mitch,

      I’m glad you found Lorraine’s story inspiring. Yes, each day is a new day to start afresh not matter what happened yesterday.

      Thank you for coming by and for sharing this.

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      MItch, thanks for the kind words… and the virtual hug. 🙂

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Mitch, I sure appreciate you reading my story. I also appreciate the virtual hug! You know, those virtual hugs from strangers actually go a long way. 😉

      It’s nice knowing that I made an impact on someone, too.

      Thanks for visiting Slyviane’s blog and commenting!

  • Angela Atkinson says:

    What an amazing and inspiring story. I am so impressed that not only are you able to discuss this now, but you’re also doing so well personally and have reconnected with your son. You are truly an inspiration to everyone who has ever doubted herself. I was raped in college and it totally changed me as well – and it took years for me to heal. Hugs to you for being so brave and so strong! <3 You are truly what I call a "Queen Bee!" Light and love to you.

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Angela, I’m sorry to hear you’ve been raped, too. Kudos to you for admitting it. You’re very strong, too!

      It’s too bad that one single event can scar us for years.

      Thanks for reading my story and knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel!

    • Hi Angela,

      Wow, I’m so glad you found your way to Lorraine’s story here. I’m so sorry that this happened to you as well, but I hope that it’s all way behind you now.

      Thanks for coming by and sharing.

      ~Sylviane

  • Fabrizio Van Marciano says:

    Hi Sylviane and Lorraine. First of all Lorraine thanks for being so open and transparent about your story, I’m truly lost for words and I’m sorry for what you had to subdue. I am a great believer in Karma as I am a witness to it. Your will power, drive and commitment to turn things around and make a real difference in your life, and others who connect with you is admirable for certain. I’m so happy I got to connect with you, keep inspiring and writing.

    Thank you Sylviane for sharing Lorraine’s story here on your blog.
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    • Hi Fabrizio,

      So glad you came to read this incredible true story.

      I know Lorraine has worked on this post for a weeks so she had time to make it just right. Personal enough to touch people but still kept the most personal stuff for her.

      I know she was afraid that this might still have been too personal, but I convinced her that it wasn’t. I kept it as she sent it to me. It’s all good.

      Yes, I believe in karma too, and that guy is so going to pay. I am sure of it, and that’s not going to be fun for him either when he does. What a low life.

      Thanks for coming by.

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Fabrizio, thanks for your comment and your kind words. There is a lot more to my story, believe it or not, but I have to save some stuff to put in my autobiography as well as in Letters to Julian, due out sometime this year. 😉

      I will hopefully continue to inspire and help others for as long as I’m around, too. Count on that. 🙂

      By the way, I’m really glad I got to know you, too, through Max. He continually provides ME with inspiration.

  • Lenie says:

    Lorraine, I fee overwhelmed reading this and I truly don’t know what to say. I pictured you at 14 being overpowered by some jerk and just felt heartbroken. I am so proud of you for having gone through all this and now using your experiences to help others. I know from a previous post how much your honesty has helped. Love and hugs to you.

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Lenie, thanks for the hug! I appreciate the visit to Sylviane’s site, and your nice comment.

      Being honest about everything is what has helped me heal. Others value my honesty, too, I’ve learned, and most people are nice and NOT judgemental at all, which is great. That was one of the concerns I originally had — that others would judge me… and shun or hate me for being so honest.

      At this point, I think it’s only my rapist who fall into that category, so this no longer bothers me! LOL

      And yes, now I can even crack jokes about my life and all I’ve been through.

      THAT is a great feeling!

  • Naomi Dinsmore says:

    Coulda, woulda, shoulda. – We’ve all been there!

    All I have to say is WOW! Lorraine what a life. I was going to ask if you ever had therapy but it sounded like blogging and writing became therapy itself.

    I’m happy it all worked out and especially the relationship with you son. I would love to read your autobiography when it’s finish. I’ll look out for it

    Naomi

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Naomi, when I was in my twenties, I received counselling. I also charged my rapist. Unfortunately, he did not go to jail, which would have been too good for him anyway. 😉

      And yes, writing is very therapeutic. 🙂

      Thanks for your comment about my autobiography, too. Can I suggest you follow my author site, Laying It Out There (at http://lorrainereguly.com) for updates regarding my books?

      Letters to Julian will be released first, later this year, by the way!
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    • Hi Naomi,

      So glad you found Lorraine’s post here. Her story can encourage so many out there.

      Thanks for coming.

  • Richard MartinTwitter: detectivesid says:

    Hi Lorraine/Sylviane.

    I was pretty much open mouthed throughout the whole post. Thank you for sharing your story, and being brave and honest about it.

    I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, and that you found yourself in the positions that you describe.

    You are a complete inspiration on so many levels, it takes guts to put all that into words and drag up memories that you probably didn’t want to reignite.

    Good on you for turning things around. It’s a reminder to us all that no matter what struggles we have, there is always someone who’s in a/been in a far worse position. And it certainly brings a lot of perspective to the little things we complain about.

    All the best Lorraine.
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    • Hi Richard,

      So glad you found Loraine’s post here. Yes, quite story, isn’t it? I really admire her to tell it all here for our own benefits, knowing that if she could do it, we can too.

      Thanks for coming.

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      Richard, each time I talk about my past, things get easier for me!

      Sure, it’s still tough, sometimes, but I feel my experiences will help others and so feel a duty to discuss them.

      I had to laugh at your last comment… because it’s so TRUE! Yeah, all those little things sure are insignificant when you think of the many other bigger issues people face. 😉

      Thanks for visiting and commenting!

  • Kimsea Sok says:

    Hello, Lorriene..!

    I am Kimsea, a blogger from Cambodia. I was really love your article, honestly.

    Well, actually life is really bad to us. I think that I’m a person that have a bad experience of my life. You know..? Last three years, I divorced my wife, a person that I really love her.

    When first time I divorced with my wife, I got problem with sleeping because every issued is always appear in my mind. Sometime, I dream about it. You know..? It is almost every night that I dream about my wife.

    I feel like stress, and pressure. I’m not able to continue my job, thus I resigned from company. I became a jobless almost three 3 years, but the problem is seem a recently happened to me.

    You know..? You’ve done better than me because unless you have learnt from your bad life, and change to to positive successful but I cold.

    Now a day, I always said with my past experience, sometime I make call to my wife but she is not really to answer my call. For reason is that I did a lot of mistake with her, I think that she is ready to move on and enjoy her.

    The best way for me is that to get away from her.

    You know..? After, read the above article. I feel like relax from the stress, and pressure because I found I’m not only the person who have a nightmare, but many people like you have similar experience of tha

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      KIMSEA SOK, you are clealy not alone. Many other people have a lot of problems in their lives, and have faced adversity.

      I feel for you, and hope things get better. It’s not easy to let go of someone you love, I know. But it might be for the best!
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  • David Hartshorne says:

    Hi Lorraine,

    Apologies for commenting late on this astounding story. (I just followed the link from Richard’s blog.)
    I don’t have much to say at the best of times, but frankly I’m sitting here open-mouthed after reading that. You’ve had it tough, and then some! I can only congratulate you on your grit and determination to turn things around and succeed in your blogging and writing career, and to re-unite with your son.
    Amazing…
    – David

    • Hi David,

      It’s never too late, don’t worry.

      Yes, Lorraine has had a tough beginning, but she sure is an inspiration to many now.

      I’m glad you found this post. Thanks for coming 🙂

      ~Sylviane

    • Lorraine Reguly says:

      David, don’t feel sorry for me! I’m okay now.

      Yes, I have grit. 😉 It’s what has kept me going despite everything…

      I’m not sure who Richard is, or what blog he runs, but thanks for reading, though; I appreciate it.
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  • Danial says:

    Hi dear!
    Rape is the worst thing to happen with someone in her life as everything becomes unpredictably changed after that. Everyone hates you to be a victim. I condemn this as a community vote toward this terrible act and the accused should be turned stone for doing such a horrible thing. It is good to know after a long interval of hardships you worked it out to live with such a tragedy. Brave you are.

  • Susan Mary Malone says:

    What an absolutely beautiful post, Lorraine. I am awed by your courage, and inspired by your story.
    Thank you so much for sharing it!

  • Maria J. Minton says:

    Thanks Lorraine for encouraging me a lot by many helpful post in this blog. I had some struggling times before and I understand how hard it is to overcome hard time in our life. But complaints do nothing for our condition, just trying our best.

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