How Your Expectations And Reactions Create Your Reality

Expectation - Reaction - Results

Expectation – Reaction – Results

I am too well aware of the fact that being in the wrong environment every day with people you don’t like (such as a job) can really make you feel in a deep hole deeper than the old well in your grandmother’s backyard.

Why do we feel this way?

Because it creates a chain of reactions – a vicious circle – from which it’s very hard to come out.

It creates expectations and reactions that produce more of the same day after day.  This is called what you know so well, by now, the law of attraction.  That’s how we attract what we receive.

We experience something, therefore, we create our expectations based on that, and as we get more of the same we tend to react a certain way over and over.  Such expectation and reaction creates your reality.

Experience = Expectation + Reaction = Reality

But how can you break this vicious cycle?

Well, first let me tell you that you can never break the equation above, but what you can do is change the expectation and the reaction.

Let’s see how…

Are you Always Making the Wrong Choice?

I know someone whom I really like and care about dearly who has been in the wrong place at the wrong time for almost as long as he can remember.

We have had long conversations together where he has told me how he systematically made the wrong choices in his life and went right besides the best opportunities some can only dream of.  As a matter of fact, jokingly, I tell him that he isthe luckiest person with the most unfortunate situations I know”.

The reason I’m telling him this is that he had some of the most incredible opportunities at times, but always rejected them in one way or another, or messed it up real good for him.

He was loved by a few beautiful and intelligent women, he was offered money to go live in France, he was offered good well paid jobs, he is blessed with a creative mind, he’s very smart and lives with Christian values, etc.  In other words, he’s had everything he’d ever needed to be successful, but he is nowhere near where he would like to be yet.

Of course, he knows now that whatever happened to him, he attracted and crated.  As a matter of fact, I asked him if I could take his example as THE example of how things work, because each time he had two choices to make, a good one and a bad one, he would, without fail, and systematically, pick the bad one.  This is what brought him where he is now – a place that he doesn’t want to be in.

But why?

Experiences Create Subconscious Expectations

I’ve mentioned many times in previous posts that past experiences influence our behavior all throughout our life.  We experience something and then it controls our expectations.

For example, if you were physically abused as a child, your expectation all throughout life would be to be abused.  If you’re a woman, you will tend to attract violent and abusive men.  This is because what we experience shapes our subconscious mind.  Then, once anything is well logged into our subconscious, it creates expectations, no matter what they are.

As a reminder, or if you are not aware of this yet, the subconscious mind doesn’t analyze things, it just does.  Whatever the nature of the experience, it will be the base-programming of your subconscious mind and dictated the expectation.

If the expectation is set on the bad and the ugly, when you are going to find yourself with two choices, one good and one bad, your subconscious will MAKE you pick the bad one.

By default, the subconscious will keep what it doesn’t know at bay. This is a natural mechanism that is meant to protect us, assuming that the whole programming is well done.  However, we all know how it goes.

This is exactly what happened to my friend all throughout his life. It never failed him, because the subconscious never fails. It will give you more of the same over and over, year after year, for as long as you live on this earth.

Consciously you don’t like what you see and you don’t want it, but subconsciously you attract it.  And as you probably know by now, your subconscious mind will always be the winner because it’s a thousand times more powerful than your conscious mind.

This is how you create this unfailing equation of experience – expectation – reaction – results (your reality).

You can’t change your past experience.  What’s done is done. But you can change your expectation by changing your reaction to things.  This will create new results for you – a new reality.

How to Change Your Expectations

Again, we can’t change our past, but we can change our expectations.  When you find yourself in the well of your grandmother’s blackguard again – you know that so familiar hole where you fill stuck – try to see what works instead of what doesn’t   In other words, change your focus.

Always remember  that you attract what you focus on.  By focusing on what’s positive you will change your expectations.  Instead of expecting the same old crappy stuff, raise your expectations to something better.

Did you notice I didn’t say GREAT?  It doesn’t have to be great. Let’s start with something BETTER, and go from there.

What will help you change your expectations?  Your reactions to things.

There are always at least two different ways to react to anything – one is positive and the other is negative.

If you look at people around you, you’ll see that it’s always the case.  Two different individuals, same situation, two different reactions. But one thing is certain, the one with the more positive reaction is the winner in this game.

The reason why some people are still confused about the whole thing is that they’re thinking “conscious expectation”, but it’s not – it’s subconscious expectations.  Meaning that if you are not aware of what such expectations are, you might be in for a bad surprise for a very long time.

You might be like my friend and say, why did I always ruin it for me? Why do I systematically go left when I need to go right?  He did it because his subconscious expectations were negative, but of course, he didn’t know it at the time. this is where all the problems come from.

The only way you can break such vicious cycle is by controlling your expectations and reactions consciously, until it’s recorded subconsciously.  It’s starts when you become aware.  Find a way to see the glass half full anywhere you see it half empty.

Is it easy to do? No, but anything worthwhile is usually not easy.

Complaining will only add to the problem, so get into the habit of focusing on the good side of things by choosing to react in a positive way.

If you don’t like your job, focus on the fact that it’s what’s bringing you money each week while you try to work a way out.

If you’re not happy in your relationship, try to see the good qualities of your partner, try to find help, or take other actions to come out of such relationship, but do not fall into the routine of complaining about it while you do nothing.

If you don’t like the place you live in, stop complaining about it, and focus on trying to move away.

Only by changing  your behavior that way, will you be able to break the cycle of negative expectations, negative reaction and bad results.

What about you? In what cycle are you in right now? Please, do tell…

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22 Comments

  • AdrienneTwitter: adriennesmith40 says:

    I have a friend like yours too Sylviane! Man oh man that guy always made the worst choices and his entire life it was poor poor me.

    I didn’t realize until later in life that the way I thought actually brought those things into my life but once I did I made a conscious decision to always think more positively and appreciate what I do have so that I can have more of the good.

    I do hope that your friend, having hung around you long enough, has finally learned that he can actually change the way he thinks about things and his life can turn around. I know that it’s never too late for us to change our lives no matter what the circumstances are.

    This is another great lesson that you share with us today so thank you for that. I hope everyone will do better. That’s what we all strive for.

    ~Adrienne
    Adrienne invites you to read..Residual Income: What It Is and Why You Need ItMy Profile

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Adrienne,

      I’m glad you enjoyed this post.

      Well, in the case of my friend it wasn’t so much that he was complaining saying poor me it was due to his upbringing. Some deep subconscious issues he carried around.

      He is now 50 and he’s only starting to come around, but when you do come around at that age you are still paying for past mistakes. I do myself too. The reason why is that the older you are the more time you had to make mistakes. Some of which can’t just be erased just like that.

      However, he’s heard more advice from me than anyone I know, and he sure is totally AWARE now.

      I hope this post can help a lot of people too. Thanks for coming, Adrienne.

  • Donna MerrillTwitter: donna_tribe says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    Well this hits home for me! I grew up in an emotionally and verbally abusive home. So all my boyfriends and two husbands behaved the same way! My subconscious ruled my life choices with my relationships. I remember I complained back then. Oh how did I ever come out of that one alive?

    It was not until my third husband, yes it is true, that I went out to seek help. I started reading self help books, watched Anthony Robins on TV and that little spark of an aha moment made me realize I could change my life around.

    I turned from victim to victor, but it did take a lot of self discipline working with therapies. I felt like a warrior to change and worked very hard to do so that I can write a book!

    Now, years later as I STILL practice techniques to grow stronger and stronger in other aspects of my life, it became easy to acknowledge even thinking patterns that would lead me away from an opportunity.

    Experience = Expectation + Reaction = Reality Once you “get it” and work on the subconscious Reality becomes a good thing.

    Thanks again,
    Donna
    Donna Merrill invites you to read..Lead Magnet CreationMy Profile

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Donna,

      Yes, yes, yes, you should write that book. It reminds me that I’ve got to write mine, as my life is a book too 🙂

      I think that just by telling people all the mistakes I made before I was in personal development could help many, many people.

      As you are a true example, we dive right into what our subconscious grew up with that’s why you had two such husbands and so did I. For sure if they were to be a third for me as well he would have to be like yours 🙂 Such a sweet heart 🙂

      Thanks for sharing this Donna.

  • Tonya Stephens says:

    Hi Sylvianne,
    My husband has a son. He lives with the proverbial black cloud over his head. He never got a break in his job choices. We have worried and speculated many times what’s going to happen to him…he’s 47 now but you know parents still worry.
    Well low and behold he finally got a break. He lucked into a great job. They love him there. Funny thing is as soon as he started working there they had one catastrophe after another. These events were so bad they were reported on the local news. It’s at a ship yard here in the area.
    My husband and I look at each other and have to laugh because Mike is working there and with his black cloud…..we think it’s causing this.
    Any way wanted to share that.
    I do believe some people are born under an unlucky star.
    They can still change their circumstances but they really have to know it’s a choice they make through shear will power to not allow the bad things to continue.
    My daughter has a similar life of bad luck. If anybody is going to get caught doing something it’ll be her. She’s been in the wrong place at the wrong time over and over.
    I gave her ” The Secret” to read a few years ago and ever since she has been on an up hill climb out of her bad luck. She’s doing great now and is in nursing school making all A’s. She has a strong will power and is using it to get her above and beyond her circumstances. We are very proud of her!
    A person can change their life!
    Thanks for your post today.
    Tonya

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Tony,

      Thank you for your interesting comment and how I would love to have a conversation with both your kids.

      As for me I do not believe that anyone can be born under a bad star, because as far as I know there isn’t such thing.

      Now, on the other hand I would say that your step son is carrying lots of negative vibrations for whatever reasons and that’s what brought him what it did all throughout his life.

      I also believe that where is at now, since he is OK, but still vibrate negative vibrations they are landing on other things right around him. This is real, and it’s even scientific.

      If I were him I would definitely consult an energy coach, if not he probably will always carry this energy around. Heavy load to carry for a life time.

      As far as the issues with your daughter, that was me. The fact that she was always the one caught is the result of some type of low self confidence. Tell me if I’m wrong 🙂

      Thanks for sharing this, it was very interesting.

  • Tonya Stephens says:

    Hi Syvianne,
    The bad star remark was tongue in cheek but they are both Geminis.
    I do believe my step son carries a lot of negativity due to his childhood with his mother. She was not stable then and even worse now. At the age of 8 he came to live with his dad (my husband). He respects his dad and loves him dearly.He doesn’t even talk to his mother now, there was a lot of damage in his early years I’m sure.
    My daughter did not do well when her father and I divorced. It was a very rough time. I found a child therapist who worked with her and it seemed to help. I was a single parent for many years and worked more than one job so I have a lot of guilt about not being able to spend more time with my kids and be the stay at home mom.
    Life is not easy, what doesn’t kill us will make us stronger. We all have our stories to tell.

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Ah now it’s all more clear to me.

      No bad star here, we know what happened to your step son. And I was also raised by a hard working single (widow) mother and I know what it does. So, no mystery about your daughter either.

      I learned a long time ago with my coach that what we like to call bad luck, born under a bad star, and all that stuff really doesn’t exist. It’s all based on what people carry deep down inside their subconscious mind. But I’m sure you know that.

      Thanks for coming back.

  • Sandhya says:

    Excellent post. You really dialed that in. It’s the simple principles that worked for people that have already been where we are heading and desire to be that we should pay close attention to.Thanks for keeping it real and I always look forward to your next post!

  • LisaTwitter: Lisapatb says:

    Great post Sylviane, I’ve always wondered how our reactions create our reality. It can be hard to change them at times. It is amost like we condition ourselves to them. Especially the negative ones. Glad to hear Adrienne and Donna say it’s never to late to change our reactions. Something I’ve been working on.
    Lisa invites you to read..Vizify Makes it Easy To Promote the Best of You or Your BrandMy Profile

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Lisa,

      No, it’s not easy, and as I mentioned in the post the reason it’s not it’s because it’s subconscious. It’s never easy to control a subconscious thing, for the very reason, well, that it’s subconscious. Here lays the whole challenge so many people have.

      But, thankfully we can still use our conscious to change our subconscious.

  • Neamat TawadrousTwitter: nkeriakos says:

    Hi Sylviane,

    This is a great post and a great lesson. I didn’t know all these stuff before I started learning about self-development and the Law Of Attraction and I learned it mostly from this blog.

    Yes, I wasn’t aware that my subconscious is programmed by our experiences. But after learning all this, I became aware and I think here is the start of the change. It is very nice to realize that and start looking for the positive side of things. I started to see the shifting from negative to positive.

    Thanks Sylviane for sharing your expertise with all of us and for all what you teach here in your blog. Have a great rest of the week.

    Be Blessed,

    Neamat

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi Neamat,

      Sorry for being so late in responding to your comment, but I was without computer for 3 days, since Friday morning, because I purchased a new computer and they took 3 days to transfer data.

      It is an honor to me that you actually learned all this law of attraction/subconscious mind stuff on this blog. I am certainly passionate by this because it was for sure a revelation to me and changed my life. That’s why I want to share this info so much.

      Thank you for coming Neamat.

  • Sonia says:

    This reminds me of myself and someone I know too. When I was younger, I couldn’t figure out why I was always attracting the wrong men in my life until I looked at what I was attracted to. This was a real eye-opener and it took me a while to make this change until one day when I got sick and tired of the same jerk after jerk.

    In regards to my friend, I swear if they can be around drama, its like second nature to them. They always seem to be in the middle of it until I asked them if they actually liked it. The response took awhile before they realized what they were doing to them self. Did they change their situation? Yes and no, but now they are more aware of it.

    I also love how you focused on what we focus on and the result behind it. The stupid things I have done over and over in my life and why I keep repeating the same mistakes until someone told me that if you want to change it, think about the end result if you do it again. I think some of us forget the definition of insanity, but its work in progress.

  • Sue PriceTwitter: suejprice says:

    Hi Sylviane

    As you know I have been around personal development for a very long time. Before that I was fascinated that some people seemed “lucky” and others just “unlucky”. Years after I had done a lot of personal development I was involved with a business coaching program. I was a reseller for it as were others. There was one man who came in and just signed up so many clients seemingly effortlessly. I asked him how he did it and his reply was “I am born lucky”. By this stage of my life though I knew he believed things would go well and created his luck.

    Ah but for those who have limiting beliefs I think Donna’s story is an example of how we can change – but it takes work.

    Not everyone wants to change and some people seem to be happy in their drama. That puzzles me. I know for me it is a lifelong commitment to work on myself.

    Thanks for another great post Sylviane.

    Sue
    Sue Price invites you to read..Storytelling In Your Online BusinessMy Profile

  • GladysTwitter: coachgladys says:

    Hi Sylviane
    What a wonderful post. As always you bring definition to areas of life that cripple many people.
    As you know, my upbringing was horrific in many ways, and yes the experiences I had as a child created negative things within me, BUT I am so thankful and grateful everyday, that I have learned to define myself, by my present not the past.
    We have to work on how we think… and exactly what we are attracting.

    Thank you so much
    Gladys recently posted…Five Help Tips To Help You With Apathy
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  • Brad Castro says:

    “The reason why some people are still confused about the whole thing is that they’re thinking “conscious expectation”, but it’s not – it’s subconscious expectations.”

    Loved your quote above.

    I’ve been reading Robert Waggoner’s book, “Lucid Dreaming: Gateway to the Inner Self” – he’s a very experienced lucid dreamer and he talks a lot about the role expectation plays in the lucid dreaming experience.

    The more you study lucid dreaming, the more (I’m convinced) you begin seeing the parallel between lucid dreaming and living more consciously in your waking life – and that especially goes for the power of expectation.

  • Alexis Marlons says:

    Very inspiring post Sylvianne. We do experience failures and misfortunes and things don’t always go our way. But our reaction towards it create a greater impact on how to deal things that lies ahead of us.

  • DeeAnn Rice says:

    Sylviane,

    I have seen so many people in the situation that you describe.

    This is the exact reason women who are in abusive relationships just move from one bad relationship to another.

    After my abusive relationship experience I went to a group every week for 5 or 6 years. In this group we were to learn how to recognize healthy relationships. I saw many women move though this group but most of them ended up right back where they started. The people running the group always called me their model student as I actually learned but, it is so easy to slip back into the old behavior. I have to be really careful all of the time that I choose the right thing.

    You are absolutely right that it takes work but it is the unconscious that you are working on.

    Another great post and reminder to me to be on my toes in all that I do so I am a success and not a failure.

    Dee Ann

    • Sylviane Nuccio says:

      Hi DeeAnn,

      What happens with women that always end up in abusive relationships is that it’s a “learned subconscious behavior” and one needs to snap out of in order to change. There is a need to unlearn such behavior.

      I know what you mean about being on your toes making sure that you don’t make another mistake, but the more you work on your subconscious mind the lighter you will feel – the easier things will become.

      For example, I used to be so needy when it came to affection and relationships, but it completely went away. I went from being need to not need anyone anymore. I am now independent to a some extreme I would say. So, it’s possible 😉

      Thanks for your input, DeeAnn.

  • Rayaalia says:

    To some extent, both. You have to change your reality though those changes could be relatively small depending on where you are in life and your general needs and wants. Stagnation does no one any good and most times it’s little changes that make all the difference in the world.

    Some people need to lower their expectations if they are expecting too much or change their perspective if they want the moon and the stars and aren’t willing to help themselves get there. Still others need to raise their expectations if they ever want to be happy…

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